Hofferson's Kitchen Flightmares: Ruffnut's Baking Company
by MysteryWriter2187
Summary: Modern AU. Astrid Hofferson is a successful celebrity chef and star of Kitchen Flightmares and Helheim's Kitchen. Infamous for her fiery temper, strict demeanour, and use of expletives (T Rating for Language, BTW), Astrid is tasked with saving a restaurant owned by unstable twin siblings where the staff and customers are never right. Please R&R.
1. Email

**Saturday Night - 23:17pm**

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... **Ruffnut**._

"Oh, for Thor's sake..." Hiccup groaned as he sat down and clicked on the email, putting on his glasses to read the message.

 _Hiccup, it's Ruff._  
 _We had a horrible night of service. Again._  
 _Can we please have a meeting tomorrow to talk about our finances?_  
 _Thanks. Ruff._

 _"Great..."_ he quickly clicked _**Reply**_ and typed as fast as he could.

 _Okay._  
 _I'll be there at 8am. You might as well gather everyone there._

Hiccup clicked _**Send**_ before closing the tab and turning off his laptop. _Why did I have to be an accountant?_ he thought to himself. Why, oh why, oh why...

His eyes widened a bit as he heard the front door of the apartment open, grinning as he felt his burden suddenly disappear with the sound of his girlfriend's voice. _"Babe... I'm home..."_

 _"Yeah, I'm in here, Astrid..."_ he called back as he closed the laptop and put it back on the desk in the corner. Astrid threw open the bedroom door, wearing her red sleeveless vest and dirty black jeans as she walked in holding her chef's jacket. Her hair was unkempt, her eyes were bloodshot and her face was a burning shade of pink. Clearly, she'd had another stressful evening filming her show.

Astrid went into the en suite bathroom to clean up and change, as Hiccup said "so... tough night?"

"Well, _the usual_ , really..."

* * *

 **Helheim's Kitchen - Earlier that night...**

 _ **"Listen! Listen! Listen! Listen!"**_ Astrid pointed to Dagur, Throk, Mala and Viggo one by one. _**"Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! GET OUT!"**_

She repeated _**"GET OUT!"**_ several times, each time louder and more visceral than the last, as the four contestants left the kitchen. She shook her head in disgust as she rubbed her aching forehead, saying _**"just... get out, you fucking idiots! Oh my gods... this whole service is a fucking disaster..."**_

* * *

"That bad, huh?" Hiccup snarked as Astrid came back into the bedroom, having changed into her lounge pants with her face returned to it's normal colour. She smirked, sitting on the bed next to him as she said "what about you?"

"Eh... same old, same old... oh, but I did get an email from RBC about five minutes ago."

"RBC?... _oh_... oh! Ah ha ha ha!" Astrid chuckled a bit. "Oh, man... so, do tell... how's things goin' for them financially?"

"Uh, not good, from the sound of the email. I'm going there tomorrow at 8." Hiccup lay his head back on the pillow, sighing as he took off his glasses.

"Hiccup, I still don't get why you don't bring me over there." Astrid sighed. "Y'know? Get 'em on an episode of _Flightmares_. I'd turn that piece of shit over like it's nobody's business."

"Well, for one thing, literally everyone there except the bosses know that I even _know_ you. And also, well... I just don't know, Astrid. The twins aren't exactly stable."

"Oh, _come on_." Astrid punched his shoulder playfully. "You're being dramatic, babe. Remember when I turned around your mom's restaurant? Even I thought that was impossible, but I did it, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah..." Hiccup groaned. "I'll think about it. Besides, it might even come up tomorrow if they really are in the toilet..."

"Well, whatever you wanna do. I'm up for it... love you..." Astrid smiled as she kissed Hiccup goodnight and turned off the lamp so they could go to sleep.

 _"Pft... it's just a failing restaurant, come on..."_ Astrid scoffed under her breath so Hiccup couldn't hear. _"How bad could it be?..."_


	2. Idea

**Ruffnut's Baking Company - Sunday Morning - 7:52am**

Hiccup got off of his bike and left it on the hook in the parking lot, walking through the door into the main restaurant. The black and white checkerboard floor was nearly reflective due to the cleanliness, and the entirely black tables were empty since the restaurant wasn't open until 9am.

He went to the main counter, which had a glass casing for an assortment of rich, delicate cakes and biscuits of all kinds, and waited for the waitress to come out. When she did, she flicked back her dark hair and said "oh, Hiccup, hey! Oh, thank Gods..."

"Hi, Heather." Hiccup said, before adding "how are you?"

"Oh, pretty good, thanks."

"Great. So... how's, uh... _you-know-who_?" Hiccup asked, his eyes motioning briefly in the direction of the kitchen behind Heather. She opened her mouth to answer, only to tense suddenly with one eye shut as they heard Ruffnut's voice shouting from the kitchen.

 _ **"HEATHER! Heather, this food's here! Pick it up right now!"**_

 _ **"Sure thing, Ruff!"**_ Heather called back, exhaling as she looked back at Hiccup and said "she's having a bad day..."

"Is she ever having a good one?" Hiccup snarked before Ruffnut shouted again. _**"HEATHER!"**_

 _"I'm coming, I'm coming... Gods..."_ Heather groaned under her breath as she went into the kitchen. She came back holding a plate with soggy, undercooked food on it, both her and Hiccup smirking at the sight of it.

"Snacks for the meeting, huh?" Hiccup asked with an eyebrow raised. Heather nodded awkwardly as she put the plate on the tray and went around the counter to put it on a table in the middle of the empty dining area.

"On a more important note..." she then said. "How's your _you-know-who_?"

"She's doing great. Well, last night, she asked about putting this place on _Flightmares_... again."

"Well, why don't you just let her do it, then?" Heather asked. "I know for a fact, that I'd love to meet _the_ Astrid Hofferson. I've been a fan of her shows for years. In fact, my brother Dagur was actually on _Helheim's Kitchen_ last night..."

"Wait, Dagur? Really?" Hiccup said. "How'd he do?"

* * *

 **Helheim's Kitchen - The Previous Night...**

After the service was finished, all of the contestants were standing huddled together with Astrid standing on the other end of the room. "Okay... okay, who am I gonna talk about first? _Eeny... meeny... miney..._ Dagur... step forward, please."

 _ **"Yes, chef!"**_ Dagur shouted as he stood in front of the group.

"You know, Dagur, um..." Astrid pinched the bridge of her nose, before adding "with what you've done tonight, and your ambitions... you do, seriously, surprise me..."

"Wow, thank... thank you so much, Chef." Dagur suddenly said as he sighed in relief. "I was really hoping you'd see that. I... I give it all I got. Give it 110%."

"Alright, first of all: don't interrupt me..." Astrid scowled with an eyebrow raised. "And second of all: you surprise me... with how _shit_ you are."

 _"Oh, okay..."_ Dagur suddenly dialed down his mood and got back in line. _"Sorry, chef..."_

* * *

"Well..." Heather struggled to answer Hiccup's question, before smirking as she said "let's just say he was honoured to have the opportunity."

 _ **"Was that the voice of Hiccup Haddock I heard just then?"**_ a familiar voice shouted, prompting Hiccup to grin as he turned to see the messy blonde haired girl step out of the kitchen and stand behind the counter to see him. He had to tilt his head down a bit to look her in the eyes, since she was about a head shorter than he was, and he said "hey Cami... still haven't quit yet, huh?"

"Believe it or not, I was actually considering it this time." Camicazi said sarcastically, before adding "I was on my way to ransack my locker this morning... maybe even leave a turd in _you-know-who's_ desk... but then Heather told me that Ruff was calling _you_ in and I decided to hold off on my resignation letter just to see what would happen..."

"Really getting that bad around here, huh?"

"No. Of course not." Cami scoffed, before breaking a moment's silence with "it's _worse_. But you're pretty good at talking sense into her, Hiccup... well, for a boy, at least..."

 _ **"HEATHER, DID YOU CHECK THAT THERE WERE ENOUGH NAPKINS IN THE DISPENSER?!"**_ a male voice said as Tuffnut suddenly came out of the kitchen. His eyes widened a bit and his tone became more calm as he said "oh hi, Hiccup. You got my sister's email?"

"Oh no, I just thought I'd drop in to see my _favourite_ clients." Hiccup snarked, before adding "yes, Tuff. I got the email. I assume your sister's here too."

"Yeah, she'll be round in a minute. Look, Hiccup, just between us... and Heather... and Cami... my sister's not been happy with recent turns of events. And I think you being here is some reassurance that she really needs..."

"Great." Hiccup scoffed. "I'll keep that in mind..."

* * *

 **8:05am**

Since the restaurant was still about an hour from opening, the five of them were sitting at the circular table that Heather had laid the snacks on. Only the twins dared to actually touch the soggy, revolting looking food on the tray, with Hiccup, Cami and Heather all looking in mild disgust at the sight of it.

 _"Okay, so..."_ Hiccup said as he opened his briefcase and pulled out his laptop. He opened it to show the restaurant's financial information, turning it around for the others to see. "To put it as bluntly and as honestly as possible, Ruff... this place's money is in the toilet."

"By any chance, is this because of those frozen assets after the whole Johann fraud thing?" Ruffnut asked, desperate for some consolation. "Because I thought it was a little fucking unfair that we didn't get a refund for those shares after he got taken down."

"Well, that's probably a reason. But looking at the stats for the last six months, Ruff, the money the restaurant's earning is only barely half the stuff that you guys are actually spending on it."

"Meaning?" Ruffnut now had her arms crossed with an impatient look on her face. Hiccup sighed, before saying "you're bombing, Ruff."

"Well, that's not my fault. This is just because of a bunch of sexist, fucking haters online. You know, like that all-female Dragonbusters reboot."

"I'm a woman, and I still thought that movie was crap." Cami cut in, Hiccup looking at her and shaking his head quickly as if to say without words: _please don't start a fight, Cami. My sanity can only go so far with the twins..._

Hiccup then turned back to the twins, saying "look, I just think that, haters aside, the restaurant just isn't appealing to anybody."

"What do you suggest we do then?" Tuffnut said. Hiccup was about to suggest shutting the whole place down, only for Heather to say "it needs a makeover. From a professional."

 _"Heather, please don't..."_ Hiccup said in a tone that was practically begging her not to tell the twins the truth. His pleas were all for nought when Cami said "yeah, why don't we get in Astrid Hofferson? I mean, she and Hiccup have been dating for the last year, she's basically a call away."

"And the truth comes out... Hooray..." Hiccup sighed with little emotion as Tuff and Ruff's jaws dropped. Cami, having realised what she said, put her hand to her mouth and said _"oh my Gods. Hiccup, I'm so sorry. I... I didn't mean..."_

 _ **"You've been fucking a celebrity chef for a year and you didn't fucking tell me!"**_ Ruffnut snapped, suddenly a lot more angry than before. **_"I'll fucking kill you, you scrawny little..."_**

"Take it easy, sis. Take it easy..." Tuffnut said as he held her back, sitting her back down in her seat. He then turned to Hiccup and said "how the Hell did you even meet Astrid Hofferson anyway?"

"Ugh..." Hiccup scoffed. "Well, remember when I told you guys my mom owns a restaurant downtown from here?"

* * *

 **Kitchen Flightmares - Season 1, Episode 10 - "Stoick's Place"**

 _With the restaurant on the verge of success, Chef Valka is insisting on reverting back to her old ways, and Astrid has reached her breaking point._

Valka stood quietly next to the pantry, waiting for Astrid to come over and talk to her. When Astrid finally arrived, she was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and an unamused look on her face. Clearly, she didn't want to waste time talking to Valka about this.

Valka sighed, saying "ah, Astrid. Thanks for coming to talk to me. I just think th..."

"You've stopped caring, haven't you?" Astrid suddenly interrupted, a sour tone in her voice.

Valka was a bit put off by this, before saying "what? No. I j..."

 _"Get straight to the fucking answer."_

"Well, no. I'm just telling you how i..."

 ** _"Get straight to the fucking answer."_**

"Okay..."

 _"Good."_

"Okay..." Valka said as she took a deep breath, before saying "if I'll be honest with you, Astrid... I don't think your menu is better than mine..."

 _" **Pft**... oh my Gods..."_ Astrid scoffed as she put her palm over her mouth and looked slightly away from Valka, as if trying to hide a slightly annoyed chuckle.

"What? No... no, don't be like that, Astrid. I just th..."

"You're a jackass. You know that?" Astrid suddenly said back. "You're just a total jackass."

 _"Well, I'll have you know my food was voted best in... in... in Berk County..."_

 _ **"What?!"**_ Astrid suddenly shouted out, confused as to why Valka considered this important. The customers dining began to hear the conversation as Valka continued trying to talk while Astrid continued trying to shut her up.

 _"Alright, just hold on, Val... **Val, hold on! Hold on, hold on, hold on,** let me finish..."_

"But you're the one interru..."

 _ **"Don't play the fucking victim like that, you listen to me!"** _Astrid suddenly snapped, before pointing to the door leading to the rest of the restaurant. **_"You ran a shithole of a kitchen! And if you think I'm ever gonna let your employees work in a kitchen like that again, you can go fuck yourself!"_**

Hiccup and the other workers in the kitchen looked up with dread on their faces as they heard Astrid say _**"so why don't you just fuck off?!**_

Valka was growing impatient as she said "to be honest, I think your kitchen's boring..."

 _ **"And who the fuck are you to tell me how to run a kitchen when you work like a PIG?!**_

"I don't wo..."

 _ **"FUCKING PIG!"**_

"Oh yes, of course. Big words, big mou...

 _ **"You are so full of shit!"**_ Astrid's face was turning a bright shade of red as she added _**"why don't you open your eyes and have a good fucking look around at how successful this place is gonna be now?!"**_

"If you're not happy, Astrid, then you're welcome to le..."

 _ **"I AM FUCKING HAPPY!"**_

"Well, you're still welcome to leave."

 _ **"GO FUCK YOURSELF!"**_

"Alright, be my gue..."

 _"Ugh... **I gotta get some air before I fucking kill you!** Gods..."_ Astrid snapped as she began to walk out.

"It's still _my_ fucking kitchen, Astrid!"

 _ **"IF IT IS YOUR FUCKING KITCHEN, CLEAN IT, YOU LAZY CUNT!"** _Astrid spat out before storming out of the kitchen and slamming the door behind her.

* * *

"She's literally the only person my mother has ever lost an argument with... believe me, I know..." Hiccup said. "But she turned it around, somehow... and so, after that, we just, kinda... hit it off, y'know?"

 _ **"Well, can you call her in or not?"**_ Ruffnut snapped again. Heather said "yeah, he can, Ruff. He can. She's actually been asking him to put RBC on her _Kitchen Flightmares_ show. Right, Hiccup?"

"Well, she did, yeah, bu..."

"It's settled, then." Ruffnut suddenly perked up, now sweeter and cheerier than a clown at the circus as she said "we'll put this place on _Flightmares_. Ooh, great. Gods, Hiccup, I just knew you'd have the solution. You always do. _Oh boy, I gotta get this place ready!_ "

As Ruffnut left and went into the kitchen, Tuffnut put both his thumbs up and said "thanks, Hiccup!" as he followed his sister into the kitchen. Heather said "dammit, Cami. Why'd you have to tell her that?"

"Heather, it's okay. It's okay..." Hiccup said. "It's fine."

Cami sighed, before saying "sorry, Hiccup... I just... well, I really wanna meet her, y'know?"

"Yep. I know." Hiccup sighed as he put his palm to his face. "I just don't know if she can fix this place..."

"Fix it? Fuck that." Cami said. "I just wanna see your girlfriend go apeshit on those two."

"Yeah, well... you probably won't be disappointed..."


	3. Advertisement 1

_**TONIGHT, ON BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)...**_

 _ **Chef Hofferson heads to the South side of Berk to visit one of the cleanest restaurants in Kitchen Flightmare's history!**_

 _ **But soon after meaning the twin team, Ruffnut and Tuffnut, she uncovers a number of problems.**_

 _ **Tuffnut, who runs the front of the house, is completely disorganised, while Ruffnut runs the kitchen, but refuses to listen to anyone.**_

 _ **It's not surprising that there is such a high turnover of staff. And at this restaurant, the customer is never right!**_

 _ **Get ready to witness a colossal uphill battle, as Chef Hofferson faces off against two defiant owners.**_

 _ **This may be the one restaurant where Chef Hofferson has no choice, but to walk away...**_

 _ **STAY TUNED FOR HOFFERSON'S KITCHEN FLIGHTMARES... ONLY ON BBS!**_


	4. Interviews - Prelude

_**Southend of Berk - Home to Ruffnut's Baking Company, opened in 2014 by brother and sister team, Tuffnut and Ruffnut Thorston.**_

* * *

 **Thursday Night, the day before Chef Hofferson arrives - 19:53pm**

Heather went to the two men sitting at Table 7, saying "hi, welcome to Ruffnut's Baking Company. Have you decided what you want to eat tonight?"

"Yeah, alright. We'll have a large pizza. Half-pepperoni, half, uh... hey, Fishlegs, it's mushroom, right?"

"Yes, mushroom's my half." Fishlegs said, before looking at Heather and saying "yeah, we both got a promotion today."

"Well, congratulations and I hope you enjoy your meal." Heather said warmly as she went back into the kitchen.

* * *

 **RUFFNUT:** _It was at a very early age that I discovered I had a real, true passion and talent for anything having to do with the culinary arts. So, in 2014, my brother and I invested over a million dollars that we inherited from a bunch of relatives into this restaurant, to make my dream come true._

* * *

 **20:35**

When Cami served it out to her, Heather brought a large lasagne for two to a husband and wife sitting on Table 5, forcing a kind smile onto her face as she said "enjoy your meal... _hopefully_..."

* * *

 **RUFFNUT:** _But... we're in the restaurant business. It's not all, like... daisies, ponies or parrots. See, about two years ago, these... reviewers, bloggers, decided to make up lies, saying that they ate the food and that it was disgusting. And... we lost a tremendous amount of business._

* * *

 **20:57**

Ruff was looking at her phone as she worked on the pizza, reading the comments on her Twitter page. "Tuff, they're saying it again. It's a whole fucking storm of abuse. Someone's calling me a medium ogre!"

 _ **"Don't listen to 'em, sis!"**_ Tuffnut called as Ruffnut went into her office to think. _**"If they hate it, they're just fucking haters!"**_

"Tuffnut, we got a problem." Heather said when walking into the kitchen. "The couple on Table 5 don't like the lasagne..."

* * *

 **CAMICAZI:** _There's actually a lot of things wrong with the food that... well, she just doesn't realise. Y'know? Too much garlic, too much butter, overcooked..._

* * *

Tuffnut walked over to the couple eating the lasagne. "Hello, my name's Tuffnut. How are you enjoying your meal..."

"Hm... I have to admit, I'm not a fan..." the woman said. "There's something off about it... not sure what it is, though..."

* * *

 **HEATHER:** _If there is **any** criticism... Tuff shuts them up. You know, he always says "ooh, you don't know how to eat real food" or stuff like that..._

* * *

"Hey, if you don't know what you like, why are you criticising it?!" Tuff snapped at the woman, before taking the dish away. The woman and her husband were both amused by this, before she said _"so, apparently, I don't know what I like to eat..."_

* * *

 **TUFFNUT:** _If **anybody** tells me my sister's food is no good. I just tell 'em to leave the restaurant._

* * *

Tuffnut came into the kitchen and put the plate of lasagne in the sink. Ruffnut noticed this as she worked on the pizza, saying "what was that?"

 _ **"Just that couple with the lasagne!"**_ Tuffnut said. _**"Don't worry, I'm gonna tell 'em to fuck off!"**_

* * *

 **HEATHER:** _Worst part is, when there **is** a problem, he doesn't tell Ruff or let her know, or whatever. It's just dust under the rug, except the dust is... well, shit..._

* * *

 **21:25pm**

Heather stood at the counter, groaning as she heard Tuffnut and Ruffnut arguing, before Snotlout walked up to the counter. "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yeah, uh... we ordered a pizza, like... an hour and a half ago... what's the holdup?"

Before Heather could answer, Tuffnut came up to the counter and said _**"who the hell is this guy?!"**_

"He's the customer who ordered the pizza for ta..."

"Yeah, is there some kind of drama going on back there or what?" Snotlout suddenly said, taking a few steps back in worry as Tuffnut's nostrils flared.

* * *

 **HEATHER:** _Arguing with customers is very frequent. They usually swear, threaten and kick out... pretty much anyone who complains._

* * *

 _ **"It ain't your fucking business what goes on in that kitchen! If you wanna wait, you wait! You don't wanna wait, you pay and you go!"**_

"Pay?! I'm not paying for something you didn't even fucking serve me!" Snotlout snapped back. "Well, fuck this, we're going..."

* * *

 **CAMICAZI:** _Yeah, drama in and out of the kitchen's very common. In fact, not having drama's rather uncommon, now that I think about it._

* * *

 _ **"Cami, what the fuck is going on out there?!"**_ Ruffnut snapped as she finished making the pizza. Cami said "the guy with the pizza's getting rightfully impatient."

"Well, I just finished and I hope he likes it!" Ruff said maliciously. "I just made it extra spicy for that fat fuck!"

 _ **"Ruff, cancel the pizza, the guys are leaving!"**_ Heather called in to the kitchen, trying to talk over Tuffnut's arguing with Snotlout and Fishlegs.

 _"Son of a bitch!"_ Ruffnut muttered under her breath as she threw the finished but still undercooked pizza into the trash and stormed out of the kitchen.

* * *

 **RUFFNUT:** _The customer is not always right... everyone always thinks we're gonna shout, and rave, and kick you outside, but that's just not true..._

* * *

 **21:43pm**

Heather, Cami and the customers all watched in silent shock as the twins argued with Fishlegs and Snotlout in the centre of the restaurant, slowly edging towards the door as the conversation grew more intense.

 _ **"You wanna fuck with me, you just fucking try! Go ahead, fucking try!"**_ Ruffnut said as she waved a carving knife at them. Fishlegs said _**"nobody's gonna wanna do that with you, you fucking psycho!"**_

 ** _"Piss off! Go! GO!"_** Tuffnut shouted, as Snotlout said _**"we are getting out, you fucking halfwit!"**_

The pair finally escaped out the door and stormed down the street, Ruffnut standing outside the door still pointing the knife as she said _**"yeah, keep walking, fatties! Maybe KFC still has shit to spare for those potty mouths!"**_

 _ **"Get a therapist, you crazy bitch!"**_ Snotlout shouted to her, only for her to say _**"why don't you get a fucking room, you fags!"**_

She furiously stormed back into the restaurant and headed to the kitchen, the makeup on her face being streamed and stained by tears as she said _**"this is... you guys! I make excellent food, so FUCK YOU ALL! YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE AND SAY THESE THINGS, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! This is ridiculous! I have never seen anything like this! God, I gotta get a drink! Close it all up! I'm fucking done for tonight!"**_

* * *

 **CAMICAZI:** _I have to be honest... I actually think Chef Hofferson is gonna be fighting for a lost cause here... she's wasting her time..._

* * *

As she grabbed her coat and stormed out of the restaurant, Heather sighed as she said "well, that was... _eventful_..."

"Indeed, it was... indeed it was..." Cami said, before looking up at the television equipment that had been hung up by Astrid's studio that morning. "Say... did the twins know that we were being recorded all night?"

* * *

 **RUFFNUT:** _And I'm so glad that Chef Astrid Hofferson is coming, cause she's gonna taste my food and she'll finally shut up those haters and make us a success!_

* * *

 _ **Coming up: Chef Hofferson finally arrives... at Ruffnut's Baking Company...**_


	5. Introduction

_**With very little knowledge of the previous night's dinner service, Chef Hofferson arrives to find out why Ruffnut's Baking Company needs her help.**_

* * *

 **Friday Morning - 8am**

Astrid walked through the parking lot, scoffing at the sight of the elaborate logos and decorations on the outside of the restaurant. _"So... Ruffnut's Baking Company..."_

She opened the door, her eye just catching Tuffnut standing behind the counter as he said _**"oh, hey, Chef!"**_

"Hi. Uh, how are you?" she said back, in as friendly a tone as possible as she shook his hand. "So, you probably know who I am already, but I'm Astrid Hofferson. So, your first name is?"

"Tuffnut. Um... Tuffnut Thorston. I'm the owner."

"Right, you're the owner... whoa, look at all this..." Astrid said as she looked at the cakes in the glass display on the counter. "Hoo, boy... damn... these look amazing..."

"Yeah. My, uh... sister's old recipes." Tuffnut bragged, as Astrid said "whoa... can I meet this woman, please?"

"Sure, she's right this way. _**Ruff!**_ " Tuffnut yelled as he walked into the kitchen with Astrid staying out in the main dining area.

* * *

 **Camera Van - Outside The Restaurant**

Hiccup sat with the footage director, Gobber, as they watched the scene on the large screen. "So... I've never actually been in the _RBC_ kitchen before, so I'm hoping nobody tries suing me if Astrid ends up in a _Saw_ movie."

"Ah, yar bein' too dramatic, boy..." Gobber laughed. "There's not a kitchen she can't 'andle..."

* * *

 **Back In The Restaurant...**

 _ **"Ruff!"**_ Tuffnut called again, his sister shoving past Cami and Heather as she said _**"what?! What is it?!"**_

 _ **"Chef Astrid Hofferson is here. She'd like to meet the mastermind, and that's you!"**_

 _"Oh my Gods! You're Astrid Hofferson, **holy shit!** "_ Ruffnut said in ecstasy as she saw the celebrity chef. Astrid laughed, saying "and _you_ must be the famous Ruffnut Thorston. How are you doing?"

"Oh, great. It's just really great to finally meet you!" Ruffnut grabbed Astrid's hand and shook it quickly.

"Yeah, likewise. I just... I gotta reiterate. They look absolutely amazing..." Astrid said, motioning to the cakes. "Perfect presentation. They look great. Very inviting. like... are any of those things store-bought?"

"Nope. Not one."

"Wow. Absolutely incredible."

"Yeah, and we really wanna show you the kitchen cause I think you'll be even more impressed than you are right now..." Tuffnut said arrogantly as he pointed to it.

"Well, this is the part I usually dread, but I'm actually kind of optimistic here..." Astrid was probably happier here than she'd ever been on any episode of any of her shows. "Right, uh... show me the kitchen, then..."

* * *

 **Camera Van**

"I gotta admit, Astrid seems _way_ too happy at this point in the show..." Hiccup said, still slightly confused by what he was watching.

"Oh, aye. They're getting along like a house on fire..." Gobber said. "Course, as we know, lad... when a house is on fire, it's eventually going to collapse..."

* * *

 **In The Kitchen...**

"So, who's the Head Chef here?" Astrid asked as she followed the twins into the kitchen. Ruffnut quickly answered "I am..."

"Wait, hang on. Hang on... you're the Head Chef too... Gods..." Astrid scoffed, looking at Tuffnut as she said _"you got lucky, huh?"_

Tuffnut laughed, before Ruffnut said "well, Tuff and I are family and we're in this business together..."

"Great, whatever."

"Yeah, we stand strong. But we have to, cause... there's a lot of online bullies, and haters... and bloggers..."

 _"Right... okay..."_ Astrid's cheery facade began to crack a bit at the surface, as Ruffnut continued with "but we stand up to them. I think we're the _only_ ones who ever stand up to them... and, well, they're used to getting crappy, processed... _woodchips_ , or getting stuff for free. Honestly, it's disgusting..."

"Okay, so..." Astrid was slightly lost for words, before clearing her throat with a grin as she said "well, let's put the, uh... the _haters_ aside for a sec, and come back to them after I take a look at your kitchen, huh?"

"Right, sure. It's this way..." Ruffnut pointed quickly to the kitchen where Heather and Cami were still waiting.

* * *

 **Camera Van**

"Man... looks like the house is already startin' to crumble..." Hiccup snarked after they watched Ruffnut's speech.

* * *

 **In The Kitchen...**

" _Gods_... y'know, most chefs hate to let me look at their kitchen, but man... is... is this some kind of a joke?" Astrid was dumbfounded at the sight of the place. "The floor's spotless... like a... basketball court, or something... and the pantry, _jeez_... it's cleaner than a doctor's surgery. I mean, look at this... everything's labelled, packaged, dated clearly... it's great... amazing..."

"Yeah, finally _someone_ sees the truth, huh, bro?" Ruffnut said in an overly relieved tone to Tuffnut, who nodded confidently before groaning as he remembered the two girls standing behind him.

"Oh, and by the way..." he said as he took a step back for Astrid to see them. "This is, uh... Heather, the waitress, and Camicazi, our other cook.."

"Great. Sure. Hiccup's told me all about you two. Great to finally see you both in person..."

"Yeah. It's such an honour, Chef Hofferson." Heather reached out to shake her hand as she said "Cami and I have been fans of your shows for years, an..."

 _"Yeah, yeah, that's great, Heather. Moving on..."_ Tuffnut suddenly cut in, prompting both Heather and Cami to step back in an awkward silence. Astrid had a brief scowl of disapproval on her face at Tuffnut's sudden rudeness, but she forced her own frown to shrink as much as possible as she said "right, so... maybe we could just sit down and... talk about the quote-unquote... _haters_..."

* * *

 _ **Coming up: Chef Hofferson gets a deeper insight into the restaurant's problems, and soon begins to crack at the surface of the twin's facade...**_


	6. Calm Before The Storm

**CAMICAZI:** _The restaurant itself is very clean and nice, but it's Ruffnut and Tuffnut that are the problem... do **not** judge a book by it's cover..._

* * *

 **Dining Area - 9:18am**

The restaurant was open for the morning, with a few customers sitting spread out at tables. In the centre of the restaurant, Astrid was sat on one end of the table facing Ruffnut and Tuffnut on the other end. Astrid was eating one of the cakes from the counter, titled _Red Death By Chocolate_ , as she said "so... take me back to the beginning... what made you guys wanna do this?"

"Well, over a year a lot of our rich relatives from upstate were leaving stuff to us then dying later..." Tuff explained. "So, at the end, we had over a million dollars. I asked my sister what she wanted to do with it, and she said she wanted to open a restaurant..."

"Yeah..." Ruff said. "I just had such a passion and a Gods-given talent for it..."

"Hm. I can tell, actually..." Astrid said as she took a few spoonfuls of the cake. " _Gods_ , this is absolutely amazing... and _you_ make these, Ruff?"

"Yeah, I'm the only one who makes them. Hell, if I'm not here, we're just not open..."

"Y... _wait_ , I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" Astrid's cheery facade dropped again as Ruffnut repeated herself. "If I'm not here, we're... we're not open..."

"You are kidding me..."

"No."

"Gods... that's no way to run a business, you guys... Jeez, no wonder you're losing money..."

"Well..." Tuffnut said. "We just can't find qualified, competent people to manage for us..."

"Oh, really?"

"No." Ruffnut added. "We've been through over a hundred people."

 _"A hundred?!"_

"Yeah, but they couldn't be trusted. Y'know, they're dirty, they're lazy. There's nobody for us to count on..."

 _"Okay, okay, okay..."_ Astrid pinched the bridge of her nose. "Other than a problem with staff, what the Hell is actually going on with this restaurant?!"

"Well, I have issues with customers that try to be online bullies..." Ruffnut said, slightly put off by Astrid's raised eyebrow as she added "yeah, they bully me. Bully my brother, that's a joke!"

"Online... _bullies?_..." Astrid said, still dumbfounded by what she was hearing.

"Yeah, they write things that are not true..." Ruffnut said. "They attack her. They've got it in for us."

"Well, when did this start?" Astrid asked as she took another bite of the cake.

"About ten months ago..." Tuffnut said as Ruffnut continued with "yeah, this guy came in who started this whole online bullying thing."

"We served him a pizza, I asked him how he liked it..." Tuffnut recollected. "He just said it was frozen and the next day he gave us a one star review on _Berk's Grapevine_."

"So I retalliated." Ruffnut said. "Y'know, I told him... I thought he was... a loser, and he was a moron..."

 _"Oh man, you responded to it?!"_ Astrid moaned. _"Guys, if these dudes are bullies you can't just throw their shit back at them, y'know? Have the moral high ground..."_

"What? What else could I do?"

 _"Ruff, you need thick skin in this business!"_

"Well, he was lying anyway... the food's great..." Tuffnut said as Ruffnut added "yeah, that's why we need you, Astrid. We need someone like you to tell the truth. Then they'll listen to you, instead of the online bullies and know that my food is good!"

"Hm... well, Ruff, if all your food is as good as this Red Death By Chocolate here..." Astrid used a napkin to wipe the last bit of chocolate off of her upper lip. "Then trust me... there's something... not quite right here..."

"Yeah, I know, right?"

"I mean, Tuff, come on... are you a control freak too?"

"Yeah, Astrid. Yeah, I am. Guilty as charged." Tuffnut laughed as he raised both his hands.

"Well, great... seeing that you guys are both totally _nuts_... _ha ha_... I'm actually looking forward to seeing what your food tastes like..."

"Trust me, Astrid, you are _not_ gonna be disappointed!" Ruffnut said excitedly as she quickly went back into the kitchen to prepare herself. Astrid took a deep breath as she leaned back in her chair, looking at the camera and saying _"well, Hiccup... moment of truth, huh?"_

* * *

 _ **Coming up: Chef Hofferson finally has a taste of Ruffnut's cuisine...**_


	7. Food

**Dining Area - 9:30am**

Astrid was reading through the menu when Heather walked over with the tonic water she had ordered. "Here's your drink, Chef Hofferson..." she said, as Astrid grinned and took it, saying "ah, thank you. So, you're Heather, right?"

"Yeah, I'm the waitress..."

"Right. It's just... _ha ha_... we were stopped from having a proper introduction back there..." Astrid chuckled. "So, uh, it's just you and Tuff out in the open, right?"

"Yeah, that's right. Well, in terms of service, pretty much just me."

"And how long have you worked here?"

"About a year and a half."

"Good tips?"

"I don't make tips." Heather said, prompting Astrid's face to suddenly drop in shock. _"Come again?"_

"Yeah, I make hourly..."

 _"Gods... seriously?!"_ Astrid asked, as Heather nodded with a grin still forced on her face. "Heather, I think you must be the only server in this entire _Archipelago_ who doesn't make tips... where do the tips even go?"

"Um... the owner..." Heather said, prompting Astrid to glare at Tuffnut as he was working on the computer at the counter. Astrid sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she said "um, well... you know what, Heather... when you go, can you just send Tuffnut over here, please?"

"Yeah, sure thing..." Heather nodded as she walked away from the table. Astrid noticed her leaning in to whisper something to Tuffnut before she walked back into the kitchen. About a minute later, Tuffnut walked over to the table, saying "yeah, what is it?"

"Tuff... I know about the problem with staff... but I just found out a pretty _fucking_ major problem... Heather doesn't make tips... _you_ take them..."

"Yeah, I know..."

"Tuff, you _can't_ take servers' tips! It's disgraceful..."

"Well, I think you'll find that, when you guys were talking, I took at least three orders. So I do more work than her and I think I deser..."

"You're the _fucking owner_! You know what? _Fuck it_ , we'll fix this later..."

"Have you decided what you want to eat yet?"

"Yeah, tell you what... I'll have..." Astrid glanced at the menu. "...The Icelandic Cod Pizza... a Blue Nadder burger... it's not actually got Nadder in it, right?"

"Uh, no. It's just called that because of the colour..."

"Right, okay... I'll have that medium-rare, and the Rainbow-Coloured-Chicken wings at the same time... and, for the spaghetti, the pasta's homemade, right?"

"Yeah, but we're out of spaghetti this week..."

"Right. I'll just have the ravioli, then..." Astrid said as she passed the menu to Tuffnut and he walked away. She sighed as she looked at the camera, saying _"well, I'm starting to think the story's becoming a little more clear..."_

* * *

 **RUFFNUT:** _I believe, that once Chef Hofferson tastes my food, as a chef... she'll be able to tell that this is what the Gods want me to do..._

* * *

 **Dining Area - 10:43am**

Astrid was wringing her hands together as she leaned back on the chair, before her ear caught the conversation Tuffnut and Heather were having at the counter. She was pointing at the computer that he was standing at, sounding annoyed as she said "they wanted the three-cheese pizza. It's that one, there... _there!_ "

 _"Okay, jeez..."_ he groaned as he typed in the order. When Heather went to get more dishes, Astrid said _"uh, Tuff, hey. Over here..."_

Tuffnut walked over to her, as she said "does Heather use the POS system?"

"Uh, no... no, I'm the only one who uses it. She doesn't know how to work it, so... I'll teach her, though. I will..."

"Hey, uh, Heather!" Astrid called as the former walked over. "Have you used a POS system before?"

"Uh, yeah, I have. Every job I've worked before this, I have."

"Right. And how many jobs is that?"

"A lot."

"Right, a lot. See, Tuff, I think she knows how to use one, huh?" Astrid groaned. "Alright, look guys. I've been waiting here for about... say, 75 minutes. So... how long til the food's ready?"

"Your pizza's gonna be ready any minute." Heather said, before tensing with one eye shut as she heard Ruffnut yell _**"HEATHER!"**_

 _ **"Coming!"** _she called back as she quickly went into the kitchen. Tuffnut went over to the counter as Heather brought the large, Icelandic Cod Pizza to Astrid's table.

"Enjoy your meal... hopefully." Heather said as she walked away, prompting a mild chuckle from Astrid as she turned to the camera and said _"well... she's optimistic, huh... ha ha... now, let's see if this was worth the wait."_

* * *

 **In The Kitchen - 10:49am**

Heather went back into the kitchen where Cami was cutting the pieces for another customer's salad. She groaned audibly in relief, prompting Cami to turn to face her.

"Does she like it?" she asked, as Heather said "I don't know yet... she spent the last hour waiting, so she's probably not gonna go easy on it..."

* * *

 **Dining Area - 10:50am**

 _"So, here's something weird..."_ Astrid said to the camera as she cut out a piece of the sloppy, soggy pizza and held it up. _"I was waiting for over an hour for this, and... the dough is undercooked... know what? Scratch that... it's not undercooked, it's raw... and it's like, actually raw, too... just look at it..."_

She reluctantly took a bite, taking at least a minute to force herself to swallow it, gagging audibly as she did so. _"Oh, Gods, that was awful..."_

* * *

 **10:57am**

Astrid lifted the plate up and passed it to Heather, who was struggling to hold in laughter at the sight of the barely-eaten pizza. As Heather walked away, Astrid went slightly wide-eyed as she noticed her dump the pizza in the garbage can just before entering the kitchen. She was still frozen with shock when Heather came back straight after, holding the plates with the Blue Nadder Burger and the Rainbow-Coloured-Chicken Wings.

"Here you go..." she said awkwardly as she lay them down on the table. Astrid nodded, saying "thanks, but uh... Heather, I couldn't help but notice that you just trashed the pizza... you apparently didn't think it necessary to tell Ruff about it?"

"Yeah, Tuffnut prefers that I not do that..."

"Why?"

"Well, um... let's just say Ruff isn't exactly good with criticism..."

"Yeah, but Heather, this is serious. I think Ruff should really know."

"As much as I wanna agree, Chef Hofferson, this is really something to discuss with the owner..." Heather sighed, before saying "anyway, hopefully, you'll enjoy this..."

* * *

 **11:05am**

 _"So, this fell apart just by me taking the first bite."_ Astrid said to the camera as she pointed to the half-eaten burger. She slowly peeled the top half of the bun off, saying _"the bun's soggy, and the burger itself isn't exactly what I call medium-rare. In fact, it's more like freshly killed..."_

She then pointed to the chicken wings, patting them with her knuckle as it made a _**KNOCK! KNOCK!**_ sound, saying _"these are surprisingly overcooked. Rock hard. And to be honest, I'm not sure why they felt the need to call them... **rainbow-coloured**... because I'm pretty sure rainbow-coloured-chicken wings look and taste exactly the same as regular-coloured-chicken wings..."_

She then sighed, putting a hand to her lowly-rumbling tummy as she said _"ugh... so, I've been here for over an hour-and-a-half and everything I've had to try so far has been terrible outside of this tonic water... Gods, I'm starving..."_

* * *

 **11:15am**

Tuffnut walked over to the table where Astrid was eating the ravioli, gulping slightly at the sight of her scowling face. Clearly, she wasn't a fan of the taste.

"So, um... how are you enjoying the food?" he asked. Astrid pulled out one of the chewy, surprisingly firm raviolis as she said "um, Tuff... these raviolis are surprisingly tough... _frozen_?"

"Well, they're actually store-bought, so th..."

 ** _"Store-bought?!"_** Astrid suddenly snapped, Tuffnut standing back a bit as he said "um... yeah, is that a problem?"

 ** _"Tuff, if you told me these things were store-bought, I wouldn't have ordered them!"_ **Astrid groaned. **_"Ugh, whatever..."_**

* * *

 **11:30am**

Astrid was standing at the counter, facing Ruffnut and Tuffnut who were both standing on the other side of it. Ruffnut gulped, saying "you look disappointed..."

"I am disappointed, Ruff." Astrid sighed. "I gotta say, I was a little less-than-impressed with that food..."

Ruffnut was already visibly beginning to hyperventilate at the mention of this, before calming slightly as Astrid said "but... it should be a relatively easy fix... now, I'm going home, and I'm gonna come back to see what you guys are like at night service..."

"Uh... okay." Tuffnut said, Astrid nodding as she turned away from them and walked towards the door. Heather, who was standing next to the doorway, awkwardly said _"oh... let me get that for you..."_ as she held it open for Astrid.

"Thanks, I've got it." Astrid said, before stopping mid-way through the door as she said "oh yeah... almost forgot..."

The twins both went wide-eyed as Astrid reached into her pocket and pulled out a 10 Dollar bill, holding it out in full view of everyone as she passed it to Heather. "That's for you, Heather..." she said with a smile to the slightly dumbfounded waitress. "And you _only_..."

Ruffnut had fists clenched and her mouth was closed as she burned with fury, watching Astrid leave the restaurant.

* * *

 _ **After a break, Chef Hofferson gets a gander at what the night service is like in Ruffnut's Baking Company...**_


	8. Interlude

**The Apartment - 12:25pm**

 ** _"BLERRRRRGH... ERGH... BLAGH!"_**

Hiccup was sitting on a chair next to the closed en suite door, sighing at the sound of Astrid's retching as she vomited in the toilet. **_"BLURGH! AALACK!"_**

 _ **"Just let it all out, sweetie..."**_ he called in a faux-encouraging tone as he leaned against the door. He could hear her panting like a beaten dog as she spat out her words in a hiss like a snake, spitefully shouting back **_"fuck off, Hiccup! Oh, fu-LEEERRGH!"_**

About 10 minutes later, Hiccup was sitting on the bed when Astrid opened the door and came back in. She was still visibly dizzy and stumbled a bit as she walked, but Hiccup knew better than to take her dignity and try to help her. _"Oh my Gods..."_ she exhaled heavily as she fell back on the bed.

Hiccup leaned back on the bed as well, laying next to her as he said "so, would now be a good time for saying _I told you so_?"

 _"It's never a good time for that, babe..."_ she sighed, closing her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Hiccup's waist and cuddled in close. He put one of his arms around her as he said "you're still sure about this, huh?"

 _"I've eaten shitty food before... your Mom, for instance..."_ Astrid chuckled a bit as she rested her head on Hiccup's chest. _"Doesn't mean I can't save RBC... if anything, I've gotta do it for Heather and Cami..."_

"Yeah... I guess..." Hiccup sighed. "What are you gonna do, then?"

 _"Well, first I'm just gonna sit here cuddling with you for an hour, then we're gonna eat some proper food, and then I'm gonna have a bath, get changed and get back there to see their dinner service..."_

"Well... you always do have pretty great plans..." Hiccup said warmly as Astrid went to sleep in their embrace. He stayed awake, though, and continued to think about what was going to happen that night, none of his thoughts being optimistic or hopeful.

 _"Ugh, this is gonna be a disaster..."_ he whispered under his breath, just quiet enough so that Astrid didn't hear him.


	9. Kitchen Chat

_**An hour before the restaurant opens for dinner service, Chef Hofferson talks with the kitchen's only other cook, Camicazi.**_

* * *

 **The Kitchen - 18:30pm**

"So, you're not a Berkian, are you, Cami?"

"Nope. Bog Burglar."

"Yeah... I could tell by the hair... ha ha..." Astrid scoffed. She kept looking at Cami's unkempt, messy hair, before saying "but you know... as much as I love that hair, it's..."

"It's not sanitary in a kitchen, I know..." Cami said, brushing a few of her strands out of her eyes as she put on a napkin. "The restaurant's supposed to supply the staff with hair nets and buns, but Ruff just doesn't do that. I've tried buying some, but they're either shitty and don't work or three thousand dollars for good ones."

Astrid stood behind Cami as she was cutting the pieces for the salad, observing her technique. "Damn. You're really precise. Professionally trained?"

"Yeah. I used to be a _sous chef_ at the _Dragon's Eye_ restaurant from upstate." Cami answered as she turned to face Astrid, still cutting the salad pieces with perfect speed and consistency without even looking at them. "It's where I met Heather, actually..."

"Was she a waitress there, too?"

"No... well, sometimes when the waiters were on their break. She was actually one of the cooks in the kitchen with me."

"Well, Hiccup told me you guys knew each other for a while."

"Oh yeah. Heather and me have been best friends for years." Cami chuckled as she put the knife down. "See, after the _Dragon's Eye_ business fell through about two years ago, we were both out of a job... I was kinda passionless without a kitchen, but then, Heather just came to me one day and asked if I wanted to open our own restaurant. Uh, damn, what did she wanna call it? Oh, yeah... _Windshear's Palace_."

"Huh... I like the sound of that... so you guys are working your way up, huh?"

"Yeah. We both worked a couple jobs for about six months, but then we both got our jobs here and, well... here we are..."

"Cool." Astrid said. "But I can't help but wonder, Cami... if you were a _sous chef_ , why does Ruffnut have you chopping up salad pieces for her?"

"She and her brother don't like people with experience. Apparently, we, uh... _ha ha_... we don't know anything..."

"Yep. That sounds about right..." Astrid snarked. "So... how's night service, usually?"

"How many words would you like it summed up in?" Cami asked, Astrid shrugging as she said "one, I guess..."

"Stressful." Cami then answered. "It's pretty much a nightly occurrence that one of the twins starts a fight with one of the customers. And, well, if I can be totally honest with you, Chef... I know our food is crap..."

"Does Ruffnut not know?"

"Probably not. And if she does, she's just in serious denial about it. She is about everything else..." Cami scoffed. "I don't wanna sound demanding, but I hope part of your plans for saving this place involves a whole new menu..."

"Yeah, I got some ideas, Cami..." Astrid sighed under her breath. "Don't you worry..."

Astrid then checked her watch, saying "so, this place opens at 7:30, huh?"

"Yep. Prepare to be traumatised."

Astrid scoffed, saying "well, it's only fun if you get a scar out of it..."

* * *

 _ **Coming up: Astrid decides to take matters into her own hands...**_


	10. Nightmare Service

_**It's 7:30pm, and the customers are finally starting to arrive at Ruffnut's Baking Company…**_

* * *

 **The Kitchen**

Heather and the twins arrived about twenty minutes before service started, and Ruffnut was quickly running into the kitchen and switching everything on. _**"Okay, you guys... it's almost time for night service and we gotta be ready for this shit!"**_

Astrid was standing behind Ruffnut, wearing her iconic white chef's jacket from Helheim's Kitchen, and watching her work. "So, how's this work then, Ruff?" Astrid asked. Cami had already told her everythng that she wanted and needed to know, but she wanted to hear Ruffnut herself attempt to explain it.

"Well, Cami mostly does salads, and I do the pizzas and the main dishes." Ruffnut said, with blatant pride being audible in her tone of voice. "And, not to brag or anything, but I've had people tell me it's the best pizza they've ever tasted..."

 _ **"Oh, really?!"**_

"Yeah..."

"Funny you should say that, Ruff. Because my pizza today was undercooked and soggy..." Astrid said, prompting Ruffnut to go wide-eyed as Tuffnut walked past them. "Of course, you wouldn't have known that, since your brother has Heather dump it in the trash rather than tell you..."

Tuffnut pricked up as he heard this, saying _"whoa, whoa, whoa, now wait just a..."_

"You guys are _twins_. You should be better at telling each other things than with anyone..." Astrid moaned as she turned to Tuffnut. _"Why don't you tell her anything?!"_

"Because I don't wanna hurt my sister's feelings."

 _ **"Hurt feelings don't mean shit in this business. You gotta have thick skin here! Just wake up and admit the pizza was undercooked!"**_

"I don't think your pizza was undercooked." Ruffnut said calmly. "Just my opinion."

 _"Oh my Gods..."_ Astrid pinched the bridge of her nose. _"Ruff, cooking is **not** a matter of **opinion!** It's a matter of **fact**. And the fact is that it was fucking **raw!** "_

"Well, I thought it looked okay. I checked it, like I checked everything else..."

 _ **"Oh, you mean like that Nadder Burger that fell apart after one bite?!"**_ Astrid snarked viciously. _ **"Or... or the fucking rock hard chicken wings?!"**_

"I thought they were fine too. I've never heard complaints about them be..."

 _ **"Because your brother never fucking tells you anything! GODS!"**_

Astrid had to turn around as she put her hand to her face, groaning loudly and furiously into her palm. _**"GGGGRRRRRMMMMMM!"**_

* * *

 **RUFFNUT:** _Chef Hofferson is totally riding my ass for no reason... she's nagging me about "ooh, rock hard chicken wings!" and "undercooked" pizza... Jeez, not everyone orders pizza burnt to cinders! Gods, she's stressing me out in the middle of service. I don't think I can concentrate with her here._

* * *

 _ **"Do you just block your ears with bullshit to try and keep out criticism?!"** _Astrid snapped as she followed Ruffnut to the end of the kitchen.

"Look, I've never had a problem with any of that food." Ruffnut said, trying to keep calm as she added "I've had people tell me that it's the best the..."

 _"And there you go again, **for Thor's sake!** "_ Astrid was practically tugging at the hairs on her own head as she said _"I feel like I'm wasting energy trying to get through to you..."_

Astrid then turned her attention to the bowl filled with ravioli that Cami was about to add to her salad. _"Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, what's this? What is this doing here?"_

"It's ravioli..." Cami said. "You had some today..."

"Yes. Yes, I did." Astrid held the bowl up. "These are cooked from frozen, right, Cami?"

"Yep."

 _"Uh-huh. Thought so..."_ Astrid said in a sing-song voice as she turned to face Ruffnut, who exhaled a bit as she said "what's wrong now?"

"Yeah, these are no good either..." Astrid said. Ruffnut scoffed, saying _"oh, come on, like you never use food cooked from frozen when it's inconvenient to your time... some of us have tight schedules, Chef!"_

"I don't cook from frozen when they're this shitty. You know how you can improve these raviolis, Ruffnut?"

 _"Yes."_ Ruffnut said sarcastically. _"I can make them from scratch, right?"_

 _ **"No, you can take them off! 86 them!"**_ Astrid snapped, almost laughing as she held one piece of ravioli up and squeezed it in her fingers.

 _"I'm not gonna 86 them. What, are you kidding me?!"_ Ruffnut got back to work as she ranted on. _"Yeah, maybe I'll just, fucking... delete my whole menu and close my doors..."_

 _"Wouldn't say no to that..."_ Cami muttered under her breath.

Astrid heard this comment, but by sheer luck Ruffnut was too busy talking to. Ruffnut continued saying _"yeah, let's just shut this whole thing down, whatever... look, Hofferson, what would you genuinely want me to do?"_

 _ **"Ruff, these are store-bought, crap, frozen raviolis!"**_

 _"They're not crap! They're delicious, and... and the first time I ever..."_

 ** _"Oh my fucking Gods..."_** Astrid sighed loudly as Ruffnut continued nervously talking. _"Wait, hang on, Chef. You didn't even taste that ravioli..."_

 _ **"Again, you didn't get the fucking feedback!"**_ Astrid threw the piece of ravioli she was holding onto the table as she shouted. _**"I said they were fucking disgusting and nobody fucking told you! Again!"**_

 _"People usually love it. I've never had a problem with that ravioli..."_ Ruffnut sighed, entering her own little world as she went back to working on the pizza.

Astrid scoffed, picking up the bowl as she said _"right, never had a problem, huh? Sure... sure..."_

 _"Yeah, real customers!"_ Ruffnut said. _"Not haters!"_

 _ **"Again, with the haters... just fucking grow up, Ruff!"**_

* * *

 **RUFFNUT:** _"Ooh, ravioli's bad in the freezer! Ooh, ooh, sacriligious!" Jeez... how immature is she?_

* * *

Cami glanced up briefly as Astrid took the bowl and walked out of the kitchen into the main dining area where the customers were all waiting. Heather was standing at the counter taking notes before she noticed Astrid walking past the counter to the centre of the dining area. Tuffnut came out of the bathroom, stopping frozen in his tracks as he noticed Astrid there and the customers turned to face her.

 _ **"Uh, ladies and gentlemen. Two seconds of your time, please!"**_ Astrid called out in a friendly tone as the entire dining area looked to her. She cleared her throat, before saying _**"hi, you guys probably know me from TV. My name is Astrid Hofferson and this is an episode of Kitchen Flightmares."**_

Most of the customers nodded, with all of them having seen at least one episode of one of her shows. Astrid smiled, before looking at the bowl and holding up one of the ravioli pieces.

 _ **"I just wanna do you guys a favour, y'see..."**_ she said. _**"The owner of this restaurant is trying to pull wool over your eyes, and serve you these crappy, frozen ravioli pieces..."**_

Many of the customers reacted to this with audible disgust, one woman in particular was audibly gagging at the thought, before Astrid added _**"so... would anyone mind, personally, if I just 86 these things from the menu for tonight, just so you guys don't have to have the choice to eat them?"**_

The customers shook their heads in agreement, with the occasional _"no"_ and _"go ahead"_ being audible in the crowd. Tuffnut walked up to Astrid, who scowled at him as he said "uh, Chef Hofferson, what exactly are you doi..."

 _ **"Ravioli's off the menu, Tuffnut. Gone. 86'd. Done."**_ Astrid snapped before he finished his sentance. **_"Now, are you gonna tell your sister, or will I?!"_**

* * *

 _ **Coming up: Ruffnut continues to break down from the stress, and begins to take out her frustration on her staff...**_


	11. Firing

**_Now that Astrid has taken the liberty of removing the ravioli from the menu, Tuffnut has been tasked with informing his sister of the news._**

* * *

 _"Okay… okay I'll tell her…"_ Tuffnut scoffed as he walked into the kitchen and called _**"alright, sis! 86 the ravioli, okay? No more ravioli!"**_

 _ **"Yep, okey dokey! No more ravioli!"**_ Ruffnut said in a sweet yet sarcastic tone. _**"Hey, here's a bright idea! Let's 86 everything on this menu, huh? Yeah! No more cooked food, everybody can eat cakes tonight! Let them eat cake! Ha ha!"**_

 _"Calm down, Ruff…"_ Cami muttered under her breath, this time loud enough for an agitated Ruffnut to hear her.

 _ **"Zip it, Luna Lovegood!"**_ she spat aggressively, though Cami took no notice and rolled her eyes as she continued cutting. _**"Any bitch can cut salad pieces for me, so I suggest you shut the fuck up if you wanna keep your fucking job!"**_

Astrid, having heard this from the kitchen doorway, sighed loudly and emptied the bowl of ravioli into the _bin as she put her hand to her forehead. Oh, why did I not listen to Hiccup?_ she thought to herself. _Why, oh why, oh why…?_

 _ **"Cami! This hot dog's for Table 13!"**_ Ruffnut suddenly shouted as she placed the plate between Cami's cutting table and the service shelf where Heather was, unintentionally allowing Astrid to see it for herself.

 _"Oh, great Odin's ghost, what's that piece of shit supposed to be?!"_ she suddenly snapped. Cami, after taking a brief moment to recover from the shock of Astrid's entrance, looked at it herself, before saying "uh… it's a hot dog…"

 _"Holy **fuck** … look at **this!** "_ Astrid held up the soggy, thick sausage in the middle of the soggy, flat bun. _"It looks like a Gronckle's **dick!** How could anyone find that appealing?!"_

 ** _"Don't listen to her, Cami. Just block her out!"_** Ruffnut suddenly called from another part of the kitchen, prompting both Astrid and Cami to roll their eyes in simultaneous annoyance.

* * *

 **20:46pm**

The customers were finally starting to finish the food they had ordered, though Astrid didn't need words to see that barely any of them were satisfied or even pleased with what they had been given.

She noticed Heather walking over to the middle-aged man with black hair and stubble on Table 13, pointing to the half-finished hot dog as she said "would you like me to take this?"

"Ah. Thank you, lass. That'd be much appreciated." The man said. "Oh, and I thought you deserved this, for your trouble."

"Oh, thank you so much." Heather said warmly as the man passed her a 10 Dollar bill. She sighed sadly as she walked away with it, though, bringing it back to the counter and placing it in the main desk.

Astrid groaned to herself. _Don't do this, Astrid… not yet…_ her mind begged her body anxiously. It's pleas were all for nought, however, when she saw Tuffnut walk to the desk and look at the money himself, a smug, stupid grin on his face.

 _ **"That's it!"**_ she snapped suddenly as she stormed over to the counter, both Tuffnut and Heather going wide-eyed as she came over. She didn't look at them, instead calling over to the man on Table 13.

 _ **"Excuse me! Sir! Hello! Table 13!"**_

"Aye?"

 _"Hi, what's your name, sir?"_

"Uh… Spitelout Jorgenson?"

 _"Great… well, Mr Jorgenson… you know the 10 Dollar tip you just gave the nice waitress over here?"_ Astrid said as she pointed behind herself to Heather. Spitelout nodded, before Astrid pointed to Tuffnut and said _"yeah, well… the owner, over here, **takes** that tip! She's not gonna get a penny of it!"_

"Gods… that's fucking disgusting…" Spitelout sneered at Tuffnut, who was growing slightly anxious as he reached for Astrid's arm and said "Chef, what are you doi…"

 _ **"Don't fuck with me anymore!"**_ Astrid suddenly spat as she turned to him, pointing her finger right in his face. **_"Don't… fuck… with… me… got it?!"_**

 _"Okay…"_

 _ **"If I see you take one more dime out of Heather's hand for the rest of the evening, I am gonna kick you right in the fucking balls!"**_

* * *

 **The Kitchen**

Ruffnut and Cami both heard the commotion outside, Ruffnut groaning as she said _"great. Now my brother's getting yelled at for no reason, too… Gods, this was a bad idea…"_

* * *

 **22:53pm**

It was the last round of service for the night, with the last few customers being served their meals. Cami was now out in the dining area, helping Heather to serve the last few dishes, while Ruffnut was beginning to slow down in the kitchen. Astrid was standing in the doorway, twiddling a toothpick in her fingers, before Ruffnut placed a fish stew on the shelf and said _**"Cami!"**_

 _"Yep…"_ Cami walked over to her. "This is for table fiftee… I mean four… I mean, ugh… I mean 12."

 _"Pft… are you sure?"_ Cami said with an eyebrow raised. Ruffnut scoffed, trying to sound happy through her fury as she said _**"okay, thank you, Cami! You don't need to give me a fucking attitude like that! You don't have to work here, y'know!"**_

 _"Whatever…"_ Cami said as she took the food and brought it to Table 12. Ruffnut, being unnecessarily infuriated by this, said _**"hey, don't turn your back on me! Cami! CAMI! Hey, I could fire you without blinking an eye, you talentless slut!"**_

 _"Uh-oh…"_ Heather said quietly as she noticed Cami freeze in the centre of the dining area. Astrid also noticed this, looking down slightly to see Cami's fist clench as she turned to face Ruffnut with a scowl curled down her beaming red face.

 _"That… is… **it** …."_ Cami snarled through gritted teeth. Everyone watched as, while still holding the bowl of fish stew in her hand, Cami spun in a circle on the spot, letting the bowl fly at top speed in Ruffnut's direction.

 _ **SMASH!**_ Ruffnut ducked as the bowl shattered just above her head, pieces of ivory and fish sliding sloppily down the wall. _**"I'm gonna FUCKING KILL YOU! RRRAAAGGGHHH!"**_ Cami charged with great ferocity towards Ruffnut as Astrid took a step back to avoid getting in her way.

A part of Astrid wanted to actually see Cami attack her boss, but unfortunately Heather was just able to get behind Cami and hold her back in time.

 _"Cami! Cami, please! Don't do this, Cami! It's not worth it!"_ Heather begged her friend desperately.

 _ **"I DON'T CARE, HEATHER! SHE'S GONNA FUCKING DIE! SHE'S TREATED US BOTH LIKE SHIT FROM THE DAY WE MET HER! UGH!"**_ Cami struggled to escape, her hair getting messier as burning tears fell down her face.

Eventually, Cami forced Heather off of her back, having calmed to a more tranquil anger as she tore her RBC apron off of herself, throwing it on the floor and saying _**"I fucking quit! GODS!"**_

Astrid and the twins were both wide-eyed as Cami headed for the door, only for Heather to follow her, saying _"Cami! Cami, **wait!** "_

 _ **"Don't try to stop me, Heather!"**_ Cami snapped back as she opened the door to leave, Heather putting her hand on the door to keep it shut. Heather, who was running slightly out of breath, said _"I… I'm… ugh… I'm not gonna stop you, Cami…"_

Astrid grinned a bit as she watched Heather take off her own apron, threw on it the floor next to where Cami had discarded hers and putting her hand to Cami, saying "I'm quitting too… we stick together…"

"Always…" Cami smiled as she held Heather's hand tightly. Ruffnut scoffed at this, saying _"oh, okay! Yeah, okay, sure thing… yeah, go ahead and quit, you fucking **dykes!** In fact, you don't have to quit, cause you're both **FUCKING FIRED!** "_

Both Heather and Cami simultaneously stuck up their middle fingers as they walked out of the door together. The twins looked in fury as the customers applauded the girls as they left, getting even angrier when Cami came back in briefly, curtsying gracefully and blowing kisses to her adoring public.

 _"Thank you… thank you… you're all so kind… thank you…"_ Cami snarked, before leaving and slamming the door behind her. Ruffnut scoffed at this, turning to Astrid and saying "what did I need those two dumb fucks anyway? They always were fucking liabilities."

Astrid bit her bottom lip and clenched her own fists as Ruffnut said this with a smug grin on her dumb face, exhaling heavily before storming to the door as well. Tuffnut noticed this, calling to her "where are you going?"

 _ **"I'm done with you two for tonight! I gotta blow off some fucking steam!"**_ Astrid snapped as she slammed the door and headed back to her hotel room for the night.

* * *

 _ **After a break, Chef Hofferson finally confronts the twins about their behaviour…**_


	12. Break

**ASTRID:** _That was so embarrassing! They're two of the most unprofessional pricks I've ever met! Gods, I am so **pissed off** right now! Ugh... I gotta get this stress outta me..._

* * *

 **The Apartment - 23:42pm**

Hiccup was sitting on the bed, reading an article on his laptop and yawning slightly. He put the laptop down and removed his glasses, before hearing the sound of the main door slamming open with a _**BANG!**_

 _"Is that you, Astrid?"_ he called, before she came in, her hair a mess and her chef's jacket half buttoned-down. She was angry, not at him, but it was the kind of anger that she'd bottled up all night without releasing it. Hiccup had seen this before, many times, but never _this_ bad.

"So... how'd it go?" he asked nonchalantly, knowing that she'd answer with profanity. She did, simply spitting out _**"shutthefuckup!"**_ as she began pulling off her jacket, trousers and shoes. Once she'd stripped down to her underwear, she pulled off her headband and let her hair loose over her shoulders.

"One of _those_ nights again, huh?" he asked as she finally got next to him on the bed. _"Yep."_ she said bluntly as she got on top of Hiccup and pulled his face towards hers, kissing him aggressively yet also provocatively. Hiccup wasn't intending to resist these advances, trying to get his own shirt off as she continued her approach and switched off the lamp next to them.

* * *

 **The Apartment - 00:37am**

They both lay tired out on the bed, each holding a glass of whisky that Hiccup had poured out for them. Astrid was wearing the quilt to barely cover herself as she drank it in one gulp, letting out a relaxed groan as she lay her head back. "Ugh... sorry about that, Hiccup, I just... _Gods_ , it was hard to resist punching both their fucking lights out..."

 _"Hey, I ain't complaining..."_ Hiccup snarked as he lay his own head back down on the pillow. If there was anything good about Astrid's bad moods, it had to be the sex. Not that she wasn't always great, but the sheer aggression she gave out on her bad mood days was especially exciting to him. _"So... would **now** be a good time for I told you so?"_

"No... because believe it or not, I'm not giving up..." Astrid said confidently, turning to face Hiccup while they still lay back on the bed. "I'm gonna talk to Heather and Cami tomorrow, figure out how to fix this fucking place, and then finally get those two dicklicks out of Dreamland..."

 _"Astrid, I... I just dunno..."_

"Oh Hiccup, come on... this is _me_ we're talking about..." Astrid said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and they both closed their eyes. "If there's one thing I am _never_ going to do, it's walk out on a restaurant... besides... I _love_ a challenge..."


	13. Filling In

_**Last night, Chef Hofferson witnessed just how dysfunctional Ruffnut and Tuffnut are when running their business. Including firing Cami, for simply asking a question. After one of the most difficult days she has ever had on Kitchen Flightmares, Chef Hofferson has arrived with a plan to start turning around Ruffnut's Baking Company.**_

* * *

 **Parking Lot - 8:15am**

Astrid walked across the parking lot, taking a deep breath to calm herself as she reached for the front door of the restaurant and pulled the handle. And pulled it again. And then a third time. After the next five tries, she accepted that it was locked tight.

 _"Gods... you have gotta be **fucking** kidding me! **Fuck!** "_ she grunted, slamming her hands against the glass to quickly release some tension. She was sure if she'd done it any harder, the door would have been torn off it's hinges. Not that she would have minded that, after what had happened the night before.

* * *

 _ **But with Ruffnut and Tuffnut not at the restaurant, she's decided to take the time to reach out to their recently relieved staff, Heather and Cami.**_

* * *

 **8:27am**

"Good morning... how are you guys today?" Astrid asked as she walked over to the cafe table where Heather and Cami were sitting. She pulled up a chair and sat down as Heather said "we're doing great, thank you, Chef..."

 _"Good. Well, anyway..."_ Astrid rubbed her forehead before saying "now that you no longer work for RBC, I'd like you both to be completely honest with me about what I wanna know..."

"Will do." the two said in-sync. Astrid grinned, before saying "Heather... Cami told me that you were previously a cook with her at _Dragon's Eye_."

"That's right."

"Yet you were just the waitress _here_ and you didn't even make tips?"

 _"Yeah. I was hired as a food runner..."_ Heather explained. _"Tuffnut told me that he didn't like people that went to culinary school because he didn't think that we knew anything, and um... when I started I was only allowed to pour water glasses and set them at the table, so..."_

"Right. Right..." Astrid said, clearly sensing a pattern in the twins' attitude. She then said "so... what kind of things did you usually see in the dining room?"

 _"Well... he was always in a bad mood, no matter what. I don't think I've ever seen him in a good mood."_

"Except when Hiccup was here..." Cami suddenly cut in, prompting Heather to nod as she said _"oh, right. Yeah. Well, Tuff tried his best not to cause a scene when Hiccup was here since Hiccup in his mind was pretty much the only person that could help them."_

"But he can't take complaints." Cami then said. "Neither of them can take complaints in a professional manner, and that's the worst part. Well, actually... no. Tuff _did_ make me wash his car one day..."

 _ **"What?!"**_ Astrid suddenly snapped. Cami, clearly sensing that Astrid had made the wrong assumption, put her hands up and said "oh no. Not, uh... _not in a bikini or anything._ Just in my usual outfit. It's just... well, it was still probably the most ridiculous thing I've _ever_ been made to do, but um... yeah, it was just stupid."

 _"Oh my Gods..."_ Astrid had her palm to her face as she groaned loudly. Heather then said _"in the year and a half we worked there I saw at least 50 people come and go."_

 _ **"Fifty?!"**_

 _"Yeah. They were just... just in and out... quick as the wind..."_

"And what happens when the customers _aren't_ satisfied?"

 _ **"They get told they're wrong..."**_ the girls said in-sync again. Heather grimaced, before saying _"we've had people get salmon that's just **fucking raw** , excuse my French... and they get told that they just don't know how to eat real food, and that... that we have the best food in the Archipelago..."_

Astrid was nodding slowly, before Cami said "the customer's always _wrong_ down at RBC..."

 _"That is just insane..."_

"The problem is that neither of them know how to manage a restaurant." Heather said. "I just don't know what it is, but... but they both think the entire world is just out to get them..."

"Exactly..." Cami said confidently. Astrid smiled, before saying "well... I appreciate the feedback. You guys have been very helpful and I appreciate the honest truth. Oh, and Heather..."

 _"Yeah?"_

"Make sure you give my agent a call when _Windshear's Palace_ is up and running." Astrid said with a warm grin before shaking hands with both girls and going back to waiting at the restaurant. As she walked away, she laughed as she called again with **_"oh, and make sure you wish me luck! Feel like I'm gonna need it! Ha ha!"_**

* * *

 ** _Coming up: Chef Hofferson goes 1-on-2 with the twins, and does something she has never done before..._**


	14. Climax?

_**With Ruffnut and Tuffnut finally back, Chef Hofferson returns to the restaurant to talk things through...**_

* * *

 **Dining Area - 9:02am**

Astrid opened the door slowly, noticing Ruffnut standing nervously behind the counter. She had a lit cigarette in her mouth, and it was nearly at it's halfway point already, but she took it out as she noticed Astrid come in.

"Morning..." Astrid said calmly, Ruffnut rubbing her forearm aggressively as she quickly said _"good morning... ahem..."_

"Good morning to you too, Tuff... **_today's a new day!_** Got it?"

 _"Yep. Absolutely."_ Tuffnut said just as nervously as his sister was as they all sat down at the table. Astrid cleared her throat as they all sat, saying "you guys don't look very happy..."

"Oh, yeah, we're um..." Tuffnut rubbed his eyes and briefly pinched the bridge of his nose. "We're just _exhausted_ , so..."

 _"Right, right... okay..."_ Astrid said as Tuffnut added "we've never had an experience like this."

"Yeah, guys. I've never had an experience like this either." Astrid snarked, her temper already starting to slip. Ruffnut exhaled, before saying _"we would like to clarify a few things..."_

"Oh yes, please do..." Astrid cleared her hair out of her eyes and made sure her ears were exposed. "Alright... let's clarify..."

"Well... what I had a problem with last night were the comments you were saying to me when I was trying to focus." Ruffnut claimed. "When I'm not able to 100% concentrate, I can get a little _stressed..._ "

"Okay, let's deal with one issue at a time..." Astrid interrupted, still trying her hardest to be positive. "Because... this is all about uncovering the _truth_ , so let's be honest and open. Okay?"

 _ **"Okay."**_ the twins said in-sync. Astrid nodded, before continuing with "when I am told, that the ravioli's are freshly-made..."

 _ **"I never told you that!"**_ Ruffnut suddenly snapped, Astrid putting up her hands to try and keep her, and herself, calm as she said "uh... can I _finish_ , please?"

"Ugh..." Ruffnut rolled her eyes, this gesture visibly pissing Astrid off as well. Nevertheless, Astrid continued, saying _"your brother told me they were freshly-made, and I ordered them..."_

"Well, I actually said the _spaghetti_ was homemade, but we were out of spaghetti." Tuffnut said in an attempt to defend himself. " _You_ ordered the ravioli."

 _"You were supposed to **inform** me that it was store-bought, then I would have known **not** to order it!"_ Astrid snapped to shut him up, before clearing her throat and saying _"and the raviolis, by the way, were disgusting. And not fresh. So rather than try continuing to deceive your customers, you should let them know."_

"But I never..."

 _"That sets my alarm bells going!"_ Astrid said firmly. "Now... believe it or not, I'm just trying to tell you what's right. You shouldn't block that out."

"I'm not trying to." Ruffnut said in a whiny tone. _"I **can** and **have** listened, Chef..."_

"I told you about the burger and you refused to listen to me..."

 _"Wait, okay. Just wait just a second!"_ Ruffnut's eyes went aggressively wide as she said this. _"I told you already, I was under a lot of stress!"_

"The kind of stress that causes you to fire your employee for asking a question..." Astrid snarked as she leaned back in the chair with her arms folded.

 _"Well, come on, Astrid! Would you let Cami talk to you like that?!"_

 _ **"Yes, I would!"**_ Astrid snapped as she stood up and put both her hands to the table, allowing herself to lean towards Ruffnut. _**"Because what she said to you was... are you sure?!"**_

"No, it wasn't. She said it with an attitude. I don't allow anyone with an attitude in my kitchen."

Astrid put a clenched fist over her lips and loudly coughed out _**"Ahem-hypocrite-ahem!"**_

Ruffnut scowled venomously at this, before Astrid said _"the way that you **screamed** at them last night was **totally** unacceptable. **Anywhere.** From what I've seen, Heather and Cami were the most competent people working here, and you treated them like crap. And to add insult to injury, you didn't even let them make tips!"_

"Look, Astrid. Before we continue, we have some non-negotiable requests..." Tuffnut said calmly, trying to cut the tension between the two women.

 _"Oh, this'll be good..."_ Astrid scoffed as she sat back down. Tuffnut cleared his throat, before saying "if we continue, we're gonna forget this today... you got that?"

"Please elaborate, Tuff..."

"Well... all that drama from yesterday... just, y'know... _delete it_ , right? Total clean slate. New beginning..."

"You can forget the word _show_ , okay?" Astrid interrupted. "Because this is not a _show_ for me. This is serious. Your restaurant is in crisis... with a delusional owner who can't take criticism..."

 _"Fuck me..."_ Ruffnut rolled her eyes again, finally infuriating Astrid enough to say _**"and you can cut that fucking eye-rolling crap too!"**_

She put her hand over her mouth and exhaled loudly into it, before regaining her composure as she said "I'm just gonna tell you, as it is... I met Cami and Heather this morning..."

The twins both scoffed audibly, before Astrid said "and I was told some awful things..."

 _"Like what?"_ Ruffnut said, trying in vain to go back to her more caring, innocent persona. Astrid wasn't convinced, answering with "like the way you treat your staff..."

Tuffnut was going wide-eyed as Astrid continued with "Cami had to clean a _fucking_ car in the middle of service because the _boss_ over here wanted his _pussy-magnet_ cleaned... and they witnessed over **_50_** staff being fired in just 18 months..."

 _ **"50 staff?!"**_ Ruffnut snapped. _**"Come on, you can't prove that..."**_

 _"Here we go again. The excuses. Always so defensive."_

 _ **"I'm not being defensive, you're insulting me!"**_

 _"Oh my Gods..."_ Astrid rubbed one of her eyebrows as she looked at the floor in frustration, before saying "I'm fairly certain that you guys _have_ had a turnover of over 50 staff in the last eighteen mon..."

"Well, it's actually more like a _**hundred**_." Tuffnut suddenly said, prompting a scowl from both Ruffnut and Astrid. "Maybe a little more..."

 _"Oh, okay..."_ Astrid said, sarcastically pretending to sound relieved. _"So... the stats are actually **worse** than what they told me."_

"Yeah, I guess so..." Tuffnut said nonchalantly. Ruffnut was practically falling apart as she said _**"okay, this isn't fucking fair, okay?! I'm not here to take this abuse in my own fucking restaurant! Oh Gods, I just... I just wanna go home..."**_

"Now you're going home?" Astrid snarked with an eyebrow raised, before Ruffnut said **_"everywhere we go, we are being attacked!"_**

"I'm sorry... _attacked?_ "

 ** _"Attacked!"_**

"Why are you behaving like this?"

 _ **"Because I'm insulted!"**_ Ruffnut snapped. _**"You verbally insulted me yesterday!"**_

"I told you the truth."

 _ **"I didn't tell you the truth. You really think, just because you're the hot, smart celebrity chef that you're little miss fucking perfect?"**_

"I gave you genuine criticism, you refused to listen..."

 _ **"You don't understand! You're judging me on something that happened because you came in and disrupted the system!"**_

"Disrupted?"

 _ **"Yeah, you did disrupt it!"**_

"What about my lunch?"

 _ **"What about your lunch?!"**_

"When you cooked for me, I was sitting in here, Ruff. Who disrupted you then?"

 _ **"Everybody, who do you think?!"**_

After a brief pause, Astrid pulled a fake pouting face and said _"blaming everybody again..."_

 _ **"I have to try my hardest to make sure we don't close, because we can't find qualified, competent people to help us out!"**_ Ruffnut was cackling like a witch, breathing heavily through her nervous breakdown as she said _**"why don't you bring those two dykes back here, huh? Let's see how they handle a kitchen!"**_

"Yeah, they're not coming back here..."

 _ **"Because they're shit-weasels!"**_ Ruffnut snapped.

"No, because they're _scared_ of you."

 _ **"Oh yeah, they're scared of me, huh?"**_

"Yeah, they're _scared_ and they're _embarrassed_. And unfortunately, you've convinced yourself, in your own little... little _Ruffnut's World_ , or whatever, that everything you touch, cook and send is perfect. And if anyone has a problem with that, it's _their_ fault, not _yours_."

 _ **"Hey, can I show you some reviews?!"**_ Ruffnut snapped. _**"Dozens of reviews. Really good reviews, that we didn't write. Real critics. Not haters!"**_

 _"Again with the fucking haters!"_ Astrid said, her face going red like an episode of _Helheim's Kitchen_. As Ruffnut continued ranting, Astrid suddenly stood up and shouted _**"you know what? FUCK IT!"**_

The twins were both stunned into silence at this sudden outburst, both of them sitting back in their seats. Astrid stepped away from the table, flattening her hair back down again and exhaling heavily as her face returned to it's usual colour. She took a deep breath, before looking at them in the calmest way possible.

 _"I can't... I can't work with people, and I can't help those people... if they can't help themselves. And if they can't take criticism, well... they can't even live life..."_

They both nodded reluctantly, Ruffnut crossing her arms smugly before Astrid continued with _"I really wanted to help turn around your restaurant, Ruff. I really did... but I can't help you."_

"Okay. Now what?" Ruffnut spat bitterly. Astrid stood up straight, before saying _"now... I'm going to do something I've never done before on this show. I'm not gonna butt-heads, argue, scream, whatever... this is not normal. And that's why I'm gonna have to walk away from Ruffnut's Baking Company."_

Astrid turned to the cameraman and nodded, prompting him to switch off the camera as Astrid turned around and walked to the door, opening it and walking out as she slowly closed it behind her. The twins both took a deep breath, though Tuffnut noticed that his sister seemed to be surprisingly calm considering what had just happened.

 _"Pft... good riddance, you stuck-up cunt!"_ Ruffnut snapped, before looking at the cameraman and pointing to the cameras on the counter and saying _**"you better take all this shit down! Nobody wants to see any of your fucking cameras hanging up in my restaurant! Take it down, asshole!"**_


	15. The End?

**ASTRID:** _Well, it's finally happened... after two seasons of Kitchen Flightmares, I've met 2 owners who I could not help. Not because I didn't want to, but because they are incapable of listening. And in such a short period of time, they've managed to piss off the entire community, and go through over a hundred employess in eighteen months... Ruff and Tuff continue to blame everyone else, but their biggest problem is themselves. I tried to show them that, and I failed, and that... that is why I have to walk away..._

* * *

 **The Apartment - 10:32am**

As Astrid opened the front door, she noticed Hiccup sitting in the bedroom. **_"I'm back, babe!"_**

 _"Oh, Astrid, hey!"_ Hiccup called quickly, fumbling his hands around the desk to hide a small object in his pocket. _"You're back earlier than I thought. Is everything okay..."_

 ** _"No. Everything's not okay..."_** Astrid snapped as she lay back on the bed, prompting Hiccup to lay back with her. "Hiccup... I walked out..."

"Really?"

 _"Yes. Gods, they're just... she's fucking wacko... I can't help her, Hiccup. If I went one more fucking day with them, I'd want you to put me in a fucking crazy-house, okay?"_

"Well, you're not, so... doesn't really matter." Hiccup said as he placed a comforting arm on her shoulder. He grinned, prompting Astrid to groan with amusement as she said _"no... you may **not** say that you told me so..."_

"Fine..." Hiccup said, feigning disappointment. Astrid sighed, saying _"but you know what? I'm not mad. It's just a shame, because, well, I like to give Kitchen Flightmares a kind of happy ending, Hiccup..."_

"Happy ending?"

"Yeah. You know. _The restaurant's a success. Yay owners! Yay me!_ Obviously, this isn't gonna happen, so it's gonna be a pretty big downer ending. Not many silver linings I can think of... ugh... studios love to end it on a high note..."

 _"Well..."_ Hiccup grinned sheepishly, reaching into his pocket and prompting Astrid to turn to him curiously as he pulled out a small, golden circle. _"I have this ring..."_

Astrid had a scowl on her face as she hit Hiccup's shoulder hard, prompting him to say _**"OW!"**_ as he nearly dropped the small ring.

 _ **"You weedy little fucking prick! I've just been through probably the most traumatising episode of any of my shows ever... and you think now is a good time to propose?!"**_

"Um... I guess..."

 _"Well..."_ Astrid said, her scowl suddenly turning into a grin as she grabbed Hiccup's shirt and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss. When they separated, she took the ring out of his hand and placed it on her finger, saying _"you thought absolutely right..."_

* * *

 **THE END?**


	16. Six Months

**One week after RBC...**

"So, here's the thing about your present, Astrid... Mom actually gave me _that_ to give to you for today, but obviously you needed cheering up after the whole debacle with Ruffnut so I had to play that card a little earlier than expected..."

Astrid chuckled as she looked at her finger to admire the ring, before glancing at Hiccup's arms to realise he was holding something behind his back.

"But luckily, I had a backup plan. In fact, it was actually my _original_ plan that I've wanted to get you ever since I saw him at the rescue centre."

 _"Wait, the rescue cen..."_ Astrid covered her mouth as she gasped excitedly, looking at Hiccup's wide grin as she said **_"oh my... you didn't!"_**

"Hm... well, I guess you figured it out, so there's not much more I can say than..." Hiccup brought the present from behind his back for a wide-eyed Astrid to see as he said **"happy birthday, milady!"**

 ** _"Oh... my... Gods! Hiccup, he's so cute! Aw, look at him!"_** Astrid was nearly crying at the sight of the small, black feline that Hiccup was holding, letting him pass it to her as she hugged it tighter than what was probably necessary. Not that the cat seemed to mind, in fact it clearly enjoyed the affection.

As the cat began playfully clamping it's jaws on her hand, Astrid was able to see the very small teeth he had, and immediately noticed the lack of large canines. _"Huh... no fangs...?"_

"Yeah, his old owners had them taken out..." Hiccup said, a tone of deep sympathy in his voice as he stroked the back of the cat's head. "I was thinking about calling him _**Toothless**_... or is that too insensitive?"

 _"No. Hmm, it's not..."_ Astrid said as she held their new pet closer to herself. _"I think it's perfect... our little Toothless..."_

* * *

 **Four weeks after RBC...**

 _ **Youtube - Heather AKA RBC's Heather - "#WindshearsPalace - Starting Now!"**_

 _"Hi guys! Heather here! I'm here with my good friend, who you guys probably remember from my RBC days, Cami!"_

"Great to be here, Heather..."

 _"I know, right? So, anyway, guys. I've been so touched by all the comments that have been supporting us and telling us that we should, like, have our own business and stuff. And... oh, Cami, do you wanna tell them this part?"_

"Sure. Okay, so we've found an old building that's up for sale. The owners are asking for $250,000. It's gonna be pretty pricey to touch up too, so we're rounding it up to about 325..."

 _"We're both working two jobs trying to raise enough money, and we're just about a third of the way there so far... but we're worried that we might not make it in time for other bidders. We're the only ones interested so far, but you never know... but that's why, thanks to a suggestion by my brother and his fiancée, I've decided to start an Indiegogo campaign. We're calling it **#WindshearsPalace**."_

"Just so we don't feel like leeches, the aim is 81,250. That's just a quarter of the full 325."

 _"Yeah. So that's all for now, but we're both so excited to do this, and anything you can give would be greatly appreciated... see you round, guys..."_

* * *

 **Three months after RBC...**

 _ **Youtube - Heather AKA RBC's Heather - "#WindshearsPalace - Halfway there!"**_

 _"Hi guys! Heather here! I'd just like to give a huge shout-out to everyone who's donated and all the support that you've given Cami and I. And I'm really pleased to announce that our combined funds are currently 165,000. That's just over halfway through our goal, and we're still the only ones interested in the building! Woo-hoo! So... I'll keep updating and, fingers-crossed, Windshear's Palace is gonna be a reality very soon! See you round, guys!"_

* * *

 **Four months after RBC...**

 _ **Spitelout's Morning Of Spite - BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)**_

 _"Good morning, fellow spiteful fellows. Welcome to the Monday Lunch edition of Spitelout's Morning Of Spite. I'm joined today by the best chef in the Archipelago, who I had the pleasure of meeting during the season finale of her hit show, Kitchen Flightmares... Astrid Hofferson!"_

"Great to be here, Mr Jorgensen..." Astrid grinned. Spitelout turned to the audience, saying _"now, I'm sure we've all still got the Flightmares episode with Ruffnut's Baking Company still fresh in our memories..."_

"Ugh... Gods, of course..." Astrid groaned with a laugh.

 _"Astrid, I was only there during the night service the day before you did the unthinkable and walked away..."_ Spitelout said. _"Was it really as bad as it looked?"_

Astrid chuckled, saying "no, absolutely not..." before waiting for a second and saying "it was worse... _way_ worse..."

As the audience erupted into laughter, Spitelout said _"I'm not sure if you've heard, Astrid... but RBC closed it's doors for good just last week..."_

"Ugh... thank the Gods..." Astrid scoffed. "The last thing I needed was someone getting poisoned because I didn't shut that place down myself..."

* * *

 _ **Elsewhere...**_

 ** _"Who does she think she is!"_** Ruffnut snapped angrily as she watched Astrid's interview. _**"That bitch has tangled with the wrong woman! No one badmouths Ruffnut Thorston!"**_

 _"Darn right..."_ Tuffnut said as he came back in holding two bottles of beer. He held one towards his sister, only for her to swipe them both out of his hand as she said _**"first we had to close our perfectly good restaurant, now we've been publicly humiliated on TV twice! It's more than I can bear!"**_

Tuffnut went wide-eyed as Ruffnut threw both bottles into the burning fireplace. He then shrugged, saying _"more drinks?"_

 ** _"Oh, what's the point... nothing's gonna help..."_** Ruffnut sulked. _**"I'm disgraced!"**_

 _"Who, you? Never!"_ Tuffnut said encouragingly, pulling Ruffnut up to face him as he said _"sis! You have got to pull your shit together!"_

They both turned to the TV as Astrid's interview continued.

* * *

 _ **Spitelout's Morning Of Spite - BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)**_

 _"So Astrid, have you any idea what happened to the two waitresses that were fired on that night?"_

"Uh, yeah. Actually, Heather and Cami are running an Indiegogo campaign. Uh... _**#WindshearsPalace**_... I was gonna donate, but they said they wanted to do as much on their own as possible..."

 _"Ah, well... I assume you'll be there on opening night..."_

"Well, ha ha... if they'll have me..."

* * *

 _ **Elsewhere...**_

Ruffnut switched off the TV, both she and her brother looking at each other with devilish grins. _"Well..."_ she said smugly. _"I think I've got a plan..."_

* * *

 **Six months after RBC...**

 _ **Youtube - Heather AKA RBC's Heather - "#WindshearsPalace - It's over..."**_

 _"Um... h... ugh... hey, guys, uh... Heather here, I guess... I'm uh... today, I thought this was going to be a celebratory video, but I'm afraid I've got some bad news regarding the restaurant... so, last night I found out that our donations from you guys had reached the full goal. And put with the stuff Cami and I put together ourselves, we actually just slightly exceeded our goal... but... but this morning, I got a call from the developers saying that some new buyers just showed up with the full amount in cash... um... so, they beat my offer, and... oh Gods, I just... and we've lost the building... ugh... I'm just so... um... I just feel so let down and broken by this, but I... I just wanted to let you guys know, because by the Gods, you deserve to know... and we're gonna refund everything, I swear, but... but um... I just... I was really looking forward to owning that restaurant... but I guess... I guess it's over... it's over... and I am so sorry that I wasted your time..."_


	17. Invitation

Two months had passed since her appearance on _Spitelout's Morning Of Spite_ , and Astrid and Hiccup were jogging together through the park. Or rather, _Astrid_ was jogging through the park, with Hiccup lagging behind her as he tried to explain an experience he had while sleeping.

 _"Alright, just slow down. Just slow down a sec, Astrid... I'm actually serious. This is tearing me apart, no joke..."_

Astrid chuckled as she said "Hiccup, you're totally rambling right now... you've completely lost me..."

 _"Look, you know when you're having a dream, and in the dream you gotta pee?"_

"Yeah..."

 _"Okay..."_ Hiccup took a deep breath before continuing to explain the point he was trying to make. _"And then you're like, oh my Gods... there's no bathroom, what am I gonna do? Oh! Someone's watching. Right?"_

"And then you wake up and you actually have to pee..."

 _"Yes. Exactly!"_

Astrid sighed, walking on as she said "Hiccup, that's just normal. Everybody has that..."

 _"Right! That's the point I'm trying to make... cause..."_ Hiccup quickly said as he ran in front of her again. He took a deep breath, and said _"last night... I dreamt... I dreamt that we had a kid..."_

Astrid stopped with slightly wide eyes as he said this. He continued with _"it just... it felt so real. We uh... we named her um... we named her after your aunt... uh, what was her name again?"_

"Zephyr?"

 _"Yeah, Zephyr! That's the one! I um... I think she had your face, but my eyes and hair... it just... oh Gods..."_

Astrid was grinning as she tried to hold in a chuckle, saying "right, so... you woke up, and you thought that we were actually..."

 _"...expecting?"_

"Yeah."

 _"Yes?"_

"No."

 _"Really?"_ Hiccup was confused by this, pinching the bridge of his nose as he said _"cause... cause I had a dream about it. It just felt so real..."_

 _Eyes open wide, blinded by the sun now_  
 _Orange and white, dark red, green and yellow_  
 _Rainbow colors! Do not hide, see the view!_  
 _Step aside, go through!_

They both went wide-eyed as they heard Astrid's ringtone from the phone in her pocket. She pulled it out and looked at the contact. She scoffed as she saw her agent's name, Hiccup grinning a bit as he asked _"Gustav?"_

"Gustav..." Astrid snarked back as she answered the call. "What do _you_ want?"

 _"Hey, Chef..."_ Gustav said. _"So we've just got a call from a uh... ha ha... a **new** restaurant... which we think would be a good choice to start the next season of Flightmares..."_

"Okay... which restaurant is it...?"

 _"Just follow the directions I'm sending you..."_ Gustav answered mischievously as he hung up.

* * *

Heather sat alone in her room, still wearing the same clothes she had on in her last _#WindshearsPalace_ vlog. She was at a perfect midpoint between depressed consciousness and depressed sleep, and all she'd eaten in the last five days were three full tubs of ice cream and about two full boxes of chocolates.

She was snapped out of this melancholy existence by the buzzing of her phone on the desk. She groaned as she answered, saying "hello...?"

 _"Hey, sis! It's Dagur, and I've got good news!"_

"Ugh... Dagur, I... I don't wanna talk to anyone right now..."

 _"Well, I'm here with Cami, since she's just got an email from the new owners of that building you wanted..."_

"Alright... put her on..." Heather sighed, still not entirely interested. "Hey, Cami..."

 _"EEEEK! I cannot believe this! Heather, the owners have contacted us!"_

"So what? They gonna rub it in our faces or something?"

 _"No! Hang on, I'll read you the email..."_ Cami said, taking a brief pause before reading from her screen.

 _ **To Heather and Camicazi,**_  
 _ **After seeing your videos we feel deeply sympathetic about your struggles and work being for nothing.**_  
 _ **Therefore, as a gesture of good will, we would like to have you both working for us at our new restaurant, and any suggestions and contributions from you will be greatly appreciated.**_  
 _ **Hope to work with you soon.**_

"What?! Cami, that's incredible!" Heather suddenly had a surge of energy as she shot up out of her bed. Cami laughed from the other side, saying _"what are you still sitting on your ass for? We've gotta get down there!"_

"Sure, I'll meet you there!" Heather said as she hung up, before rushing to her closet to find something presentable to wear.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Hiccup and Astrid were waiting at the front of the restaurant. Hiccup chuckled a bit as Astrid glared at the building with disgust. It's walls were still a plain white with a large, black bordered window up front. She squinted to look through the window into the dimly-lit dining room, scoffing as she looked back at Hiccup.

 _ **"What the fuck is this?"**_ Astrid snapped as she looked at the blank, empty sign hanging off the side of the building. _**"Gods... this is gonna be a successful restaurant? It's more like a fucking lap-dance hole!"**_

After taking a moment to deeply analyse the general shape of the building, Astrid went wide-eyed as she said **_"wait a minute... what the f... hey, this is that same old building that Heather and Cami wanted to buy... fuck!"_**

 _"Holy shit... it is..."_ Hiccup added as he realised she was right. They were distracted from this when a voice said _"guys?"_

They both turned, Hiccup saying _**"Heather?"**_ as Astrid said _**"Cami?"**_

"Yeah, it's us..." Cami said. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Apparently, this is gonna start the next season of _Flightmares_..." Astrid snarked. "What are _you_ guys doing here?"

"Well, the owners offered us a job here as a gesture of good will... _even though we don't even know their names yet..._ " Heather explained, though the presence of Hiccup and Astrid was already beginning to set off alarm bells in the back of her head. After an awkward silence, Cami looked at the couple and said _"oh, right... uh... congratulations on the engagement, by the way..."_

"Aw, thank you so much..." Astrid said as she held Hiccup close to herself. They all went wide-eyed as the doors of the restaurant opened, and the owner stepped out proudly as Hiccup gasped in audible shock, with the others being too stunned to speak.

 _"Hey, you guys!"_ an irritatingly familiar voice said as Hiccup, Astrid, Heather and Cami all spoke in perfect harmony. _**"OH, FUCK ME!"**_


	18. Compromise

_"Are you **fucking** kidding me?!"_ Astrid was the first to break the nearly 30-second silence that Ruffnut's entrance had brought. Hiccup glanced at Heather and Cami to see them scowling at Ruffnut with their arms crossed.

"Uh... no, actually, I'm not kidding at all..." Ruffnut said as her brother finally joined her. He grinned smugly, saying _"you guys don't look very happy to see us... look, I know we didn't end on good terms, bu..."_

 _ **"You fired us, then you stole this building from under our feet, you little shit stains!"**_ Cami snapped viciously as she clenched her fists and prepared to attack, though Heather was holding her back with very little effort.

"Okay, well that's _all_ in the past..." Ruffnut said calmly, prompting both Hiccup and Astrid to roll their eyes. Astrid then said _"look, what do you guys want?"_

 _"Redemption..."_ Tuffnut said, prompting an audible scoff from Heather. Ruffnut was put-off by this, before she said "well, Astrid... according to the Internet and several forums on _Berk's Grapevine_ , the last season finale of _Flightmares_ , which may I remind you was the one with _RBC_ , was the most watched television programme in the BBS Network's history... surely, you'll be _desperate_ to replicate that success? So that's..."

 ** _"You think I'd ever be desperate to work with you fuckwits again?!"_** Astrid snapped, blatantly offended as Hiccup struggled to hold her back. **_"I'm an icon, Ruff! Hell, I just sold off fucking biopic rights! JLaw, Robbie and ScarJo are already interested! That doesn't sound desperate to me!"_**

"Really?" Tuffnut had an eyebrow raised. "Cause... when I close my eyes and listen to your voice, I just hear that _Ugly Betty_ chick... can she go blonde?"

Astrid had a furious scowl on her face with crossed arms, before Heather turned to Hiccup and said _"who's playing you?"_

 _ **"Look, we're getting off-topic here!"**_ Hiccup snapped to prompt a five-second silence, which Astrid broke by holding his hand and saying "I hear Baruchel's auditioning..."

" _Wow..._ do you _actually_ think so _little_ of me?"

"Oh come on, babe, he sounds just like you..."

 _" **What?** There is **no way** that I sound that nasally!"_ they were all stifling laughter as Hiccup said this with a grin. _"Ha ha... was Egerton not available or something?"_

 _"Any-hoo..."_ Ruffnut said in a faux-sweet tone to get back on track, before the door to the kitchen opened and a figure stepped out.

 ** _"Miss Thorston. The food is re... oh..."_** the black haired, chin-tattooed man said as he noticed the company. Ruffnut groaned, before saying _"oh, everybody, this is my new head chef and attractive arm candy, Eret Eretson..."_

"Good to meet you..." Hiccup grinned awkwardly as he shook the man's hand. Heather scoffed, saying "head chef? Are you serious right now?"

 _"Well it's come to my attention..."_ Ruffnut glared at her brother, who shrunk timidly as she continued with _"...that my food is not quite as nice-tasting as I'd previously been made to believe... clearly, the kitchen is in need of some new talent..."_

"Pft! Understatement of the year..." Astrid scoffed. Ruffnut said _"Eret's one of the best chefs in the business. And he comes fairly affordable..."_

"Pretty sure you've never been on one of my shows..." Astrid raised an eyebrow at Eret, who said _"I'm from the UK, Chef Hofferson..."_

"Whatever... what is your point, Ruff?"

 _"I'm rebuilding this restaurant for us... for you, for Heather, for Cami, for Eret, for my brother... hell, even Hiccup!"_

"I'm not interested..." Hiccup said sternly with crossed arms. "Gods, what did you guys even sink into this pla..."

 _ **"Spare the accountant crap for later, you killjoy!"**_ Ruffnut snapped, her sweetness beginning to crack at the surface.

"I quit being your financial adviser when Astrid did. I'm saying this as a concerned indivi..."

 _"Your concern has been duly noted, now be quiet..."_ Tuffnut scoffed. Ruffnut said "that's why I'm extending my branches... I'm asking for your input, your help and, most importantly... your services..."

 _ **"Absolutely not!"**_ Cami snapped, but Heather simply sighed, waiting a moment before saying _"alright... deal..."_

 ** _"What? Heather, no!"_**

 _"Cami, we gave the money back... this is the best chance we've got..."_ Heather whispered, a hint of sincere regret in her voice. She looked at the twins, before saying _"besides... don't think of it as selling out... think of it as a... a mutually beneficial working relationship..."_

Cami thought for a moment, before saying "alright, H... just for you, I'm in..."

They both looked at Hiccup and Astrid, who then looked at one another. Hiccup smiled, taking her hand gently as he said _"whatever you wanna do. I'm up for it... I love you..."_

" _Pft..._ did you _seriously_ just do an ironic echo on me?" Astrid snarked as they both started laughing. She groaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose, before turning to the twins.

 _"Alright... when do we start?"_


	19. Distressing

_**"They are unbelievable! An absolute disgrace!"**_ Astrid was still ranting after they'd driven home and gotten into their apartment door. She calmed down a bit as she sat on the couch and Toothless crawled over to rest on her lap, but she still had a lot to say as Hiccup closed the door and sat on the opposite couch to listen to her.

 ** _"I said yes five minutes ago and I'm already starting to regret it! How the hell is that even possible?!"_**

Hiccup didn't answer, remaining silent as he sat back on the couch with a calm yet stoic look on his face. Astrid hadn't noticed his unusually dour demeanour as she kept ranting with _**"Gods, she is such a fucking bitch! Buying that restaurant just to get back at us and the girls! I'm fucking curious how many cocks had to be shoved in that whiny little mouth just to pay for it!"**_

 _"Hm..."_ Hiccup sighed without much emotion, prompting Astrid to finally notice him as Toothless got off her lap and walked over to Hiccup's feet. He smiled warmly as he gently picked the little black feline off the floor and put him on his lap, but his grin shrunk back a bit as he stroked Toothless' fur.

"Hiccup... you're being uncharacteristically quiet..." Astrid said with an eyebrow raised. "What's wrong?"

 _"I... ugh... I just..."_ Hiccup rubbed the back of his head. _"Man, I... I just thought... um..."_

"You thought you'd finally gotten away from them?"

 _"Yeah, exactly..."_ Hiccup sighed. _"Two-and-a-half years..."_

"What?"

 _"Two-and-a-half years... it's how long I've been their accountant..."_

"Well, not really... you quit being their accountant six months ago..."

 _"Yeah, but... look, when my dad died four years ago, Mom was struggling to keep the restaurant working... she never used to listen to anybody but Dad, so with him out of the picture, she didn't know what to do..."_

"Yeah... hm... I remember..." Astrid nodded. Her tone was concerned, but she let out an amused scoff at the memories of her arguments with Valka. Hiccup said _"that's why I became a restaurant accountant, remember?"_

"Uh-huh."

 _"Right, so... I just wanted to help my Mom get back on her feet, and lots of people just like her."_ Hiccup had put Toothless on the floor and was now sitting lurched forward slightly as he spoke. _"My mom was difficult, as we both know, but my other clients were okay, and then... Gods, the fucking twins... they broke me, Astrid..."_

"A nightmare..." Astrid said knowingly. Hiccup nodded, before saying _"I couldn't handle it... that, and my mom... she needed my help and quick, but the twins were just so demanding, and so irresponsible... I just couldn't take it... and Ruff was always trying to... trying... trying to... ugh, shit... like when I... when I got that fucking promotion at work, Ruff tried to get me drunk and... and... oh gods..."_

Astrid was becoming wide-eyed as she straightened up a bit with her hand over her mouth. Hiccup had told her things about the restaurant before, but it would always be funny things and he'd always laugh them off. This wasn't funny, what he was getting at. This was the first time Hiccup had ever truly opened up about RBC, and he was clearly racked with shame and guilt in every word.

 _"I tried to sever ties, but they wouldn't let me... and I couldn't tell my mom because she'd freak out, then... then whatever, so... um... I let Gobber call to get my Mom on Flightmares because I knew that you'd help her fix things... at least get Stoick's Place up and running so she had something..."_

Astrid was slightly worried when she began to guess what Hiccup was building to. "Something?"

 _"Yeah... yeah, something after I'd, um..."_ Hiccup was breathing heavily as his face began to turn red. _"After I was gone..."_

 _ **"Gone?!"**_

 ** _"Oh fuck me, I never should have told you this!"_** Hiccup had his face in his hands as both he and Astrid began crying uncontrollably. His voice was muffled by his hands as he said **_"I wanted to take the coward's way out, Astrid... I'd had it all planned out, too... probably the most complex, well-thought-out plan I ever had... you fix the restaurant, show goes on air, Mom succeeds. Then I die so I could get away from the fucking twins! Ha ha... ugh... y'know... dating you saved me... isn't that funny? If you hadn't asked me out to dinner after the show ended, I'd have been dead by morning... pft... Celebrity chef saves suicidal accountant! Hell of a fucking headline that'd be!"_**

"Hiccup..."

 ** _"Then when you kept asking me every time I came home from talking to them, I had to hold it all back so I didn't think about it... I didn't wanna bring you into sick little, fucking Ruffnut's world of bullshit, but I did... w_ _hen you walked away from those fucking idiots, I had a glimmer of hope, just a glimmer! I thought I was finally free of it, free of them, and now... oh Gods, Ruff was right about me... I'm such a fucking pathetic little shit!"_**

"No... no, you're not... you're not, Hiccup... _ssh, ssh..._ " Astrid let some tears stream down her face and whispered gently as she sat on Hiccup's lap and had his upper half wrapped in a motherly embrace. She stroked his hair softly as she tightened her grip, saying _"come on... just let it out, it's okay... ssh... you're okay... you're okay..."_

 _ **"But Astrid, I..."**_

 _"Ssh... it's okay, babe... it's okay..."_

After about five minutes of this, she straightened back up and used her right sleeve to wipe her own eyes as she used her left hand to hold Hiccup's head up so he was now facing her.

 _"Hiccup Haddock... you are **not** pathetic... do you hear me?"_ she said sternly, prompting a nod from Hiccup. _"You never have been, and you never will be... frankly, with all this shit you've been keeping under wraps, you're more of a man than I ever thought you were..."_

She brought him back into the embrace again, letting his head rest on her shoulder as he continued breaking down. _"I'm not gonna let you be Ruffnut's doormat anymore, Hiccup... alright, she's not gonna hurt you, or use you, or whatever the fuck she wants to do... because she doesn't deserve you. Or Heather, or Cami, or anyone. She never has."_

 ** _"Astrid, I'm never gonna get away from her. What difference would it make now?"_**

 _"You are. We are, Hiccup. Alright, we... oh gods..."_ Astrid had to wipe her own face with one hand while affectionately holding Hiccup's head to her shoulder with the other, though she still had tears streaming down quicker than she could clean them. _"Alright, we... ha ha... we are going to get married, and start a family, and... and we are going to be so fucking happy together... and if Ruffnut Thorston even tries to shit on what we have here, she deals with me..."_

She then took Hiccup by the shoulders and moved him back so they were face to face. _"I love you, Hiccup... you're the man for me and I wouldn't be wearing this ring right now if you weren't..."_

Hiccup managed to get out a smile, chuckling weakly as he said "well, you've got terrible taste for a professional chef..."

 _"Gods, you are such a fucking asshole..."_ Astrid had cupped Hiccup's face and pulled him into a tender kiss on the lips before wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him close as he wrapped his around her waist. They stayed here for a few moments, just letting each other's company be their only comfort, though Hiccup was finally back to his humourous self as he felt Toothless licking his hand affectionately.

 _"Hey, bud..."_ he said weakly as the cat sat in between them, stroking his fur as he said _"did I give you a little scare there?"_

"Yeah, you did..." Astrid said with a brow raised.

 _"I was talking to Toothless, babe..."_

"Pft... _of course_ you were..." Astrid laughed as she hit Hiccup on the shoulder. As he rubbed it, Astrid pinched the bridge of her nose, before saying "Gods, I'm such a selfish... ugh... Hiccup..."

 _"Yeah?"_

Astrid took his hand and rubbed her thumb across it affectionately. She sighed as she said "I'm... I'm gonna pull out..."

 _"What? Of the show?"_

"Yeah... I'll call Gustav now, huh?... Just tell him to find another restaurant to fix... we want nothing to do with the..."

 _"Astrid, you can't pull out!"_

"No, I'm not gonna do it, Hiccup. It's for us. _You_... I won't put you through them again... I can't!"

 _" **No!** If you walk away, Astrid, then they've won... sure, we can get married and never talk to them ever again, but they'll just move on to someone else... look at Cami, Heather... hell, even think about that Eret guy!... Astrid, we **have** to see this through!"_

Astrid sighed in frustration, saying "Hiccup, are you actually _fucking_ serious?"

 _"The woman I love doesn't give up..."_ he said with a raised eyebrow. Astrid chuckled, saying "well, what a funny coincidence... I don't do that, either..."


	20. Advertisement 2

_**TONIGHT, ON BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)...**_

 _ **Six months after walking away, Chef Hofferson reunites with the Thorston twins as they attempt to revive Ruffnut's Baking Company.**_

 _ **Ruffnut claims that she is finally ready to listen, but her behaviour soon begins to suggest otherwise.**_

 _ **Despite vast improvements in the kitchen and staff, Tuffnut's haphazard organisation of the restaurant is even worse than before.**_

 _ **And having recently learned a shocking revelation from her fiance, Chef Hofferson wonders whether helping the twins truly is worth it.**_

 _ **Patience is tested and tempers are lost in some unexpected places as Chef Hofferson tries to keep the truce, and her own sanity, intact.**_

 _ **Can Chef Hofferson help the Thorstons redeem themselves and their business? Or was RBC always destined to go down in flames?**_

 _ **STAY TUNED FOR HOFFERSON'S KITCHEN FLIGHTMARES... ONLY ON BBS!**_


	21. Opening - Prelude

**New RBC Opening Night - 18:45pm**

Astrid sat in front of the bathroom mirror as she applied some light eye shadow and lipstick to her face. She had a simple blue sleeveless shirt and jeans on with her favourite bracelets hanging off her forearms. She wasn't working in the kitchen herself yet and decided to make herself look a little more presentable than usual.

 _"Astrid, are you absolutely sure you want me there tonight?"_ Hiccup called from outside the bathroom. Astrid scoffed, saying "hey, you're the one who told me not to pull out. You're not letting me have all the shit..."

 _"Hm... well, whatever you say, milady..."_ Hiccup sighed sarcastically as he opened the door with Toothless in his arms, allowing Astrid to see the green long-sleeved shirt he was wearing under a red opened short-sleeved-shirt. When he saw what she was wearing, he went wide-eyed briefly, before saying _"man, you look awesome..."_

"Aw, thanks babe..."

 _"Ugh... I don't look tacky, do I?"_

"Hiccup, come on... you look absolutely _dashing..._ " Astrid said, a humorous yet still genuinely encouraging tone in her voice as she kissed him on the lips with a smile before she added "your Mom's definitely coming _here_ , right?"

 _"Yeah, she texted. Should be here in about five minutes..."_

"Great..." Astrid nodded as she stroked Toothless' chin, before looking back at Hiccup and saying "come on... let's get over there..."

* * *

 _ **In the last season finale, Chef Hofferson was tasked with saving Ruffnut's Baking Company, owned by twin siblings Ruffnut and Tuffnut Thorston.**_

* * *

 **19:05pm**

 _"Hey, Chef!"_ was the first thing the couple heard as they got out of the car and walked across the parking lot to where Tuffnut was standing in the doorway. Neither Hiccup or Astrid were accommodating for him in any way, both of them giving blunt nods to Tuffnut as Hiccup held the door open for Astrid and then followed her in.

* * *

 _ **But after observing the unstable behaviour and organisation of the twins and the inhumane treatment of their staff, Chef Hofferson walked away for the first time in Kitchen Flightmares history.**_

* * *

 ** _"There they are! Just the guys I wanted to see!"_** Ruffnut shrieked excitedly as she saw Hiccup and Astrid enter. She ran over expecting a hug, only to freeze in her tracks as Astrid put out her hand for a shake, bluntly saying "hello, Ruff..."

 _"Oh... okay..."_ Ruffnut slowly took the hand and shook it awkwardly, turning to Hiccup with a smile only for him to remain stone-faced in return. _"So... I'll show you guys to your table, huh?"_

"Thanks." Astrid scoffed.

 _"Great. Shall we...?"_

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _So yeah... I'm back. And it's either because I'm not a quitter, or I'm just too stupid to know when to leave well enough alone. But, you know, whatever the reason, I'm... ugh... I'm giving these guys another shot..._

* * *

As Ruffnut went back into the kitchen, Astrid and Hiccup sat on opposite ends on Table 12. As Hiccup sighed in relief and got out his phone, Astrid looked at the thick, leather-backed booths that surrounded each table instead of chairs. She scowled in disgust, before looking around at the rest of the restaurant's interior.

It was smaller and simpler than the original _RBC_ , with Tables 1-13 being lined side-by-side against the wall left to the door and 14-20 being scattered across the rest of the restaurant in front of the corner. The circular lights installed across the ceiling were dim, which only made the dull, matt black floor and walls more noticeable. The wall behind Hiccup was the only exception, being white and covered in antique paintings from the 70s by artists no one likely would have heard of.

 _"Ugh... just when I thought this place couldn't look any more like a fucking strip joint..."_ she scoffed under her breath, before noticing Hiccup smiling as he typed something on his phone. When he pressed Send, he put the phone away and said "that was Mom. She's there now."

"Oh. Good." Astrid said, feeling slightly calmer. "So... you _sure_ she's okay watching Toothless?"

"Yeah, sure. She loves animals." Hiccup chuckled to himself. _"Remember her owl?"_

 ** _"Oh! Oh-ho, yeah!"_** Astrid was laughing as she recalled the first time she had seen Valka's pet. "What was his name again? Uh... _Stormcutter?_ "

 _"Cloudjumper..."_

"Right... right... so... you still think this is a good idea?"

 _"Well if it's not... just remember that I'm here for you, Astrid..."_ Hiccup affectionately took her hand as they exchanged a warm smile.

* * *

 **TUFFNUT:** _Well, I think it's great that Chef Hofferson is giving us another chance. When she sees the huge improvements we've made since last time, I'm pretty certain she's gonna give us her seal of approval._

* * *

 _"Um... Chef Hofferson..."_ a voice timidly said, prompting both Hiccup and Astrid to look up at the chef. "Oh, uh... Eli, right?"

 _"It's Eret, actually..."_ he said nervously, but the couple remained friendly as they each shook his hand. _"I just came to tell you both that I'm planning to do my absolute best tonight... I mean, well, I know you both have a bad experience with the owners... but I'm hoping that I don't contribute to that in any way."_

"Well, your best is all you can do..." Astrid said warmly, prompting Eret to grin a bit as he said _"right... so, the waitress will bring the menus over in a minute, and I'll be in the kitchen if you need me..."_

"Great." Hiccup said as Eret left, looking to Astrid and saying "well, he seems pretty nice..."

"I guess... but I'm assuming he's _desperate_ for employment if he works for these guys..." Astrid snarked.

* * *

 **ERET:** _I think it's a tremendous honour to get to work with or for the Astrid Hofferson. I've never actually watched this Flightmares show before, but apparently she walked out of this owners' previous business, so at the very least, if there's a problem with this place, it's probably a lot less likely to be me..._

* * *

 _"Ah, the much abuséd servants have come crawling back..."_ Hiccup snarked as Heather and Cami came over. Heather didn't say anything, audibly huffing and puffing in frustration as she walked down to Table 1 and began putting two menus on each table. Cami chuckled nervously, saying "hey, guys... _you_ came back too, I see..."

 _"Uh-huh. Already having second thoughts..."_ Astrid snarked, but she held Hiccup's hand tight and said in a softer tone _"but I'm not letting anyone down..."_

Hiccup smiled at her, before looking at Cami and saying "so how are you guys feeling about this?"

"Well..." Cami shot a brief glance at Heather, before saying " _she's_ still pretty mad, but overa..."

 _" **Mad?** Who's mad? Are you guys mad? Cause I know I'm not mad. **Ha ha!** Why in the **world** would I wanna be mad right now?"_ Heather snarked aggressively as she finished putting the menus on the empty Table 13 and stormed back over to the kitchen.

* * *

 **HEATHER:** _About a week ago, I had to be told that my six months of fundraising and hard work had to be flushed down the toilet because, in an impossibly bizarre quote-unquote "coincidence", my old employers decided to buy the restaurant I was trying to buy. And they also personally want me working for them again..._

* * *

"Hi Heather..." Tuffnut said as she passed him, but Heather simply scoffed with a scowl on her face as she shoved past him and went into the kitchen.

* * *

 **HEATHER:** _So yeah... I am pretty mad..._

* * *

 **19:28pm**

 _ **"Alright, everybody. I'd just like your attention, please!"**_ Ruffnut was speaking through a tinny-sounding megaphone as she stood in the centre of the Dining Area. There were some audible groans as everyone turned to look at her, particularly from Cami, Heather and Eret.

 ** _"I know it's been a bumpy ride to where we are now... and we've had our fair share of... well, let's just call them ups and downs..."_**

 ** _"HAA!"_** Cami suddenly snorted out an incredibly loud laugh, before she froze with her hand over her mouth as Ruffnut shot an embarrassed yet furious glare at her. Ruffnut took a deep breath, before going back to the megaphone and saying _**"but... here we are now... and no one is more surprised... or more proud, than I am... so in one minute, when those doors open and the customers come in, I want you all to stand proud, and strong, and we'll work together to resurrect the dream of the new, and improved, Ruffnut's Baking Company!"**_

As Ruffnut walked back behind the counter and everyone went back to their positions, Hiccup scoffed as he looked at Astrid and said _"so... you think she wrote that down, or was it just off the top of her head?"_

* * *

 ** _Coming up... Chef Hofferson observes the opening night service of the New RBC..._**


	22. Disaster

**Dining Area - 19:45pm**

Hiccup was still reading the menu as Astrid looked around the restaurant. In the fifteen minutes that had passed since the doors were opened, the restaurant was just about full, with only Table 7 being empty. The atmosphere was admittedly not nearly as uncomfortable or intense as the previous services Astrid had observed at _RBC_ , but she was still preparing herself for any kind of drama that could possibly break out.

Their table was the first that Heather came to, now back to her faux-happy persona as she said _"you guys ready to order?"_

"Uh, yeah... sure, Heather..." Astrid said as she glanced back at the menu. "Uh... I think I'll go for the... uh... wait, _Eret's_ making these tonight, right?"

 _"Thank the Gods..."_ Heather scoffed as Hiccup and Astrid both glanced to see Ruffnut still sitting at the counter with her brother. Astrid chuckled, before saying "well, seeing as they're not listing the apparently-different _rainbow-coloured_ ones anymore, I'll give the chicken wings another try... Hiccup?"

"The Seabass'll be fine for me..." Hiccup answered with a grin as they both passed Heather their menus. As Heather went into the kitchen to deliver the order, Hiccup went wide-eyed as he noticed the four men walking into the restaurant. One of the men looked and sounded distressingly familiar as he said _"hey, uh... you're Astrid Hofferson, right?"_

 ** _"Ugh. What do y..._** _oh..._ ** _"_** Astrid froze in the middle of her rant when she realised that this _wasn't_ Tuffnut she was talking to, despite looking and sounding a lot like him. "Uh... yes. That's me..."

 _"Great. I'm uh... I'm Gruffnut Thorston, from the Zipplebacks..."_ he said as he pulled his phone out. _"Just wondering... can I get a picture?"_

"Uh... sure, I guess..."

"You want me to take it?" Hiccup asked as he held out his hand, offering to take the phone. Gruffnut passed it to the man holding drumsticks behind him, saying _"nah, man, come on. You get in too!"_

"Uh... okay... _whoa!_ " Hiccup and Astrid both grunted as Gruffnut dragged them closer, sitting in between them with a wide grin on his face as the drummer took the photo. _**SNAP!**_ _"Great! Thanks, you guys!"_

"Don't... mention... it..." Astrid tried to speak as she, Hiccup and the other diners all stared wide-eyed at the drum-set and guitars that were being carried through the doors. As the other men began setting up the instruments in front of the white wall, Hiccup said "uh... what's all this?"

 _"We're the Zipplebacks... tonight's entertainment..."_ one of the men said as he slung a guitar over himself, Gruffnut nodding as he added _"Ruff and Tuff are my cousins, so... you know..."_

"Right..." Hiccup said slowly with a grin forced on his face, turning back to see Astrid scowling as she scoffed under her breath.

 _"Oh, you have gotta be fucking kidding me..."_

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _So, while Heather and Cami were planning to use their extra money on renovating the place so it wouldn't look like a brothel, Ruffnut is devoting her extra money to making this restaurant into a miniature Glastonbury._

* * *

 **20:00pm**

 ** _"What... is... up... Ruffnut's Baking Companaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"_** Gruffnut shouted obnoxiously into the microphone to little-to-no response from the customers. He paused awkwardly for a moment, before saying **_"uh... great crowd... yeah, great crowd..."_**

He cleared his throat, before saying in a gentler tone _**"uh... my name is Gruffnut Thorston, and... we are the Zipplebacks... and we're gonna be your entertainment for tonight... so... I hope you enjoy..."**_

 _"Whoo! Yeah! Go, Gruffnut!"_ Tuffnut shouted encouragingly, though both Hiccup and Astrid both had to hold back chuckles as they saw Ruffnut scowling with her arms crossed. The sighing and groaning that was spreading across the restaurant by the other customers was expected, but when even _Ruffnut_ didn't like what was happening, it couldn't be all that great.

* * *

 **CAMICAZI:** _I've heard about this cousin of theirs. Apparently he's in a shady spot right now... y'know... gambling debts, drug debts, that kind of thing... so, I'm gonna assume he's here for the dough... and not the kind that Eret and I are making here..._

* * *

 **The Kitchen - 20:18pm**

 _"Alright, Cami. What's the status on Hiccup and Astrid's dishes?"_ Heather called as she entered the kitchen, where Cami was busy dicing and slicing vegetables for Table 9 while Eret added the finishing touches to a fish stew for Table 5.

 _ **"They're here!"**_ Cami called back as she passed Heather a tray carrying the chicken wings and Seabass dishes. As Heather took the dishes and turned to leave, Cami said _"ooh! Heather, wait!"_

 _ **"What?! What's wrong?!"**_

"You have _got_ to try this stew Eret's making... come on, here..." Cami dipped a spoon into the stew and held it to Heather's mouth since her hands were full. Eret watched nervously as Heather tasted it, analysing every expression her face made as she did.

"Mm... oh my Gods... that... that is incredible..."

* * *

 **HEATHER:** _So... major plot twist here... it turns out Eret is actually a great cook... ha ha... yeah, so right now... **PEEEEEEEEEEW...** Mind. Blown._

* * *

 **Dining Area - 20:20pm**

 _"Alright, here's the main event.."_ Heather said in a much happier tone as she brought the food over.

"Wow, and only 35 minutes too..." Astrid snarked as the plates were served. "Great..."

* * *

 **20:35pm**

Gruffnut's lacklustre rhythm-and-blues performance was clearly not rubbing off well on the customers, many of them already getting up and leaving before Heather even had a chance to take their orders. Ruffnut noticed this, and she was _not_ happy about it.

She scowled at her brother as he continued enjoying their cousin's performance. _"Tuff, they're fucking leaving! That retard has gotta shut this up, right now!"_

"Ugh... okay... just give it ten more minutes..."

 _"Now, Tuff!"_

* * *

 **20:47pm**

"Hm... oh, _Gods_ , now... hm... now _that's_ a Seabass..." Hiccup put the empty plate in the middle of the table and finished the rest of his drink. Astrid was equally satisfied as she put her own finished plate next to his.

 _"Oh yeah... fuck, those chicken wings..."_ she said, making an A-OK gesture with her hand as they passed the plates to Heather and she said _"compliments to the chef..."_

"Ha ha... I know, right..." Heather was smiling as well, but there was still a reluctant sadness to her voice as she took them away. Hiccup got up from his seat and said _"so, what do you think everybody else th... oh..."_

"What? What is it?" Astrid asked as Hiccup stood there still, before she looked up from behind their booth to see that only Tables 6 and 9 still had people sitting on it. Or rather, only Table 6, since Ruffnut and Tuffnut were both sitting exhausted on Table 9.

Ruffnut sighed loudly, before looking up to see both Astrid and Hiccup scowling at her.

 _"Well..."_ she said. _"I actually think that could have gone worse..."_

"Uh-huh..." Astrid groaned as she crossed her arms. Hiccup didn't say anything, though he remained stone-faced so that not even Astrid knew how he was feeling. Not that she noticed anyway, simply scoffing and saying "come on, babe... let's go..."

 _"Uh-huh... whatever you say, milady..."_

* * *

 **21:00pm**

 _"Well, that was an early night..."_ Cami snarked as she, Heather and Eret stood outside the now-closed restaurant while the twins were having a heated argument with their cousin and his band.

"Did they like it?" Eret said worryingly, both Heather and Cami patting him on the back as Heather said _"you did good, pal... you did good..."_

Eret smiled weakly, before they noticed the Zipplebacks walking out of the restaurant. Gruffnut was groaning loudly as the twins continued shouting at each other inside, before he looked at the three and said _"so, uh... so am I getting paid for this or what?"_


	23. Outburst

**ASTRID:** _This morning, I want to find out if the twins have learned anything from last night's flop._

* * *

 _"Great... back to the titty bar..."_ Astrid scoffed under her breath as she and Hiccup entered the restaurant. Hiccup simply nodded without saying anything, hoping that Astrid would be the one doing most of the talking this morning.

* * *

 **Dining Area - 11:30am**

As the couple entered the room, everyone else was already standing in a circle in the middle of the Dining Area. They all remained silent, with Cami letting out a weak little wave at them as they came in. As Hiccup and Astrid joined the circle, they all stood there silently for at least a minute, before Astrid finally decided to speak.

"So... I think it's safe to say that last night was a disaster..." she said as she crossed her arms, Heather, Cami and Eret all nodding in response. She then looked at the twins, before saying "and are you willing to accept _why_ that was?"

"Okay, well... I've dug up about 10 or 12 comment cards. They all said the same things..." Tuffnut said defensively and confidently. _"Great food, great atmosphere. Great food, great atmosphere. Grea..."_

 _ **"Are you fucking serious right now?!"**_ Astrid snapped, prompting Ruffnut to roll her eyes as if to silently say _here we go again_.

 ** _"Your business is fucked! And yet you resort to these pretentious, bullshit comment cards to pump smoke up your own ass!_** _Ooh, food's good, music's good, atmosphere's good..._ ** _Gods, when are you guys gonna stop massaging yourselves and fucking get real?!"_**

"Okay..." Ruffnut tried to remain calm as she put up her hands. "Clearly there's a bigger picture we all n..."

 _"Oh, Gods..."_ everyone except Tuffnut said under their breath as Ruffnut said this. She was put-off by it, but continued with "it's a bigger picture that we all need to see. It's just th..."

 ** _"Oh, just fucking shut up, will ya, Ruff?"_**

Everyone went wide-eyed as the nasally voice said this, with even Astrid being frozen and silenced with shock as she looked to where it came from. Ruffnut was just able to snap out of the shock to say "um... no, I'm _not_ gonna shut up, because I'm the owner an..."

 ** _"You are gonna shut up because I gotta fucking tell you something that I should have told you two-and-a-half fucking years ago!"_**

Nobody had _ever_ seen Hiccup get this angry before, as he continued with _**"we've all got breaking points with you, and now it's my fucking turn to say that it's time you and your brother get your heads out of your asses and actually fucking listen for once!"**_

 _"Well, what do you want me to do, Hiccup?"_ Ruffnut whined arrogantly. _"Okay, I've got plenty of reasons and explanations, and you're just int..."_

 _ **"Just cut the fucking bullshit already!"**_ Hiccup snapped. **_"Why do you still insist on pretending that you actually know what you're fucking doing?"_**

 _"Do you have any bett..."_

 _ **"When the damage has already been fucking done!... We already feel like a bunch of fucking morons for working with you, okay? Yet you keep fucking doing this, despite the fact that everyone in this room already thinks you're a cunt!"**_

Even Cami's jaw dropped as Hiccup finished that sentence, as Hiccup pointed to Astrid and said **_"she's too fucking smart for you, Ruff!... okay?!... We all are, and we always have been!... so if you really want our help, you gotta shut your fucking mouth and just fucking listen!"_**

 _"Yeah, but I c..."_

 ** _"If you don't turn this shithole around today, Astrid and I are fucking out of here!... For good! And I imagine the same goes for everybody else!"_**

 _"But to tur..."_

 _ **"I'm not putting up with your crap anymore, Ruff!"**_

 _"Bu..."_

 _ **"Cut. The fucking. Bullshit!"**_ Hiccup was going red in the face and pointing an accusing finger at Ruffnut as he said this, before saying **_"Astrid's here to help you fucking turn this place around! But I've had enough of your fucking charade! And I don't need this fucking shit, and nobody else does!"_**

Ruffnut opened her mouth to speak but Hiccup was too quick with _**"and I've gotta sit next to all these good people, keeping our mouths shut while you sink dollar after dollar into this stupid fucking ego boost! And when you finally get food that isn't gonna fucking kill somebody, you still scare everybody off with fucking terrible live music! Y'know, I just gotta say, I'm so fucking glad I'm not your accountant anymore because the debts you're gonna end up with if this place fails would probably drive any sane man to fucking hysteria!"**_

 _"So what wo..."_

 _ **"No! Don't** so **anything, you spoiled, arrogant li..."**_

 _"Well what would you want me to do, Hiccup?!"_

 _ **"I've already told you what I want you to do! The whole reason you don't know is that you don't do it! Just fucking listen!"**_

When Hiccup finally finished his rant, there wasn't a single person in the room that wasn't frozen in shock. He was breathing heavily through his nostrils as he kept scowling furiously at the twins. It took about a minute for his skin to return to it's natural colour as his breathing slowed back to normal. He sighed as he looked at Astrid for a moment, before exhaling heavily as he turned and walked out the door.

They all stood watching where he had gone for at least another minute, Eret being the first to break the silence and still sounding very shocked as he said "okay... so that was clearly building up _long_ before I got here..."

 _"Uh-huh..."_ Cami said under her breath as she and Heather both looked at the twins. Astrid sighed, saying _"just give us a minute, guys..."_

They all nodded, turning to face the white wall as Astrid went out the door.

* * *

Hiccup was leaning back against the wall next to the front door of the restaurant, his face in his hand as he muttered angrily to himself. _"Ugh, you fucking moron... Why couldn't you just keep your fucking mouth shut? What if you'd told them about what you almost did?"_

"Hiccup..." Astrid's voice prompted him to look up as she walked out of the restaurant and closed the door behind her. She was clearly concerned since she'd dropped her angry persona that she had put on in front of the twins, though Hiccup didn't notice this and was already frantically apologetic.

 _"Ugh, Astrid, I am so sorry, I... I was just so pissed off after last night, and I couldn't take it, but I know I shouldn't have said anyth..."_

He was cut off as Astrid gripped the collar of his shirt and dragged him forwards for a long, passionate kiss, eventually pinning him back against the wall as she kept going. They both gasped for air as she finally pulled away about a minute later, planting a lighter peck on his cheek as she said "I needed that, babe... _thank you_..."

He smiled weakly at her, before her tough determined persona came back and she said "now... let's fix this fucking place, shall we?"


	24. Dumbwaiter

**Kitchen - 12:15pm**

Heather led Astrid down the stairs from the Dining Area to where the kitchen was. As Astrid looked at the kitchen, which was even cleaner than the previous RBC and was far more spacious to boot, she said _"oh, right... uh, that reminds me, Heather..."_

"Yeah?"

 _"I don't want you waiting tonight..."_ Astrid said. _"See, I thought I'd help out you guys with the food, so since you lost the restaurant I thought it'd be a good chance to see what your cooking's like..."_

"Um, okay... uh... thank you, very much... it's an honour..." Heather was struggling to stop herself from gushing with excitement as Astrid continued with _"Hiccup's helping with the waiting tonight, so hopefully I won't be seeing too much of the twins tonight..."_

"Well if you don't wanna see them, they can always use the dumbwaiter..." Heather said as she pointed to the two closed doors on the wall next to the door.

 _ **"Wait... there's a dumbwaiter here?!"**_ Astrid threw open the closet to reveal the lift. Heather nodded, saying _"well, yeah... it was one of the main things mentioned on the ad for the building..."_

 ** _"Heather, if there's a dumbwaiter here, why the hell are they making you carry the food up a flight of stairs to get it out?!"_**

Heather shrugged with a grin, saying "uh... _spite_ , I guess?"

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _Gods... so, it seems, just when I think that the twins couldn't possibly piss me off anymore... well, Heather drops this on me... man, this... this is gonna be a tough night..._

* * *

 **Dining Area - 13:37pm**

"So _Hiccup_ was the one who lost his temper, then?" Mala asked as she and Dagur followed Heather into the restaurant. They sat on Table 7 with Cami and Eret, Cami saying _"yeah, I couldn't believe that scrawny, shaggy-haired little guy had it in him..."_

"And the sheer _viciousness_ he said it with too..." Eret added as Heather nodded regretfully.

"I've spent the last two years complaining about the twins." she said. "Hiccup took a whole lot more shit than I've ever done, but he... he was _bottling it up_ , for all this time, I... I had no idea, because he was always funny and smiling... but all that fucking _rage_ , it... it must have been eating him alive... then today, when... when he suddenly let all Helheim loose on them, not an _inch_ of fear or regret in him, I... I was _blown away_..."

 _"I'm just gonna come out and say it..."_ Cami said in a nonchalant tone. _"If Hiccup wasn't engaged and I wasn't a lesbian, I'd have fucked his brains out right there on the spot..."_

Everyone went wide-eyed as she said this, Heather being the first to break the silence with "well, um... thank you for sharing that, Cami..."

 _"Don't mention it..."_ Cami snarked, before Dagur said "so, anyway, sis... why did you want _us_ here?"

"Right, well... Astrid wants me working in the kitchen tonight, and she doesn't... um..." Heather leaned in closer and whispered to make sure the twins weren't listening. _"She doesn't trust Ruff or Tuff to serve the food on their own, so... I offered to get some outside help..."_

"Right..." Mala scoffed. "Well, I suppose that does make sense, seeing that Dagur and I were both kicked off the last _Helheim's Kitchen_ before the halfway point of the season, so..."

"Apparently, I _surprised_ her with how shit a cook I was..." Dagur laughed. Mala held her fiance's hand affectionately, before they both looked at Heather and said _"we're in..."_

"Great..."


	25. Well-done

**Kitchen - 19:30pm**

 _"Alright... that's 7:30 now..."_ Hiccup flatted his sleeve back down after looking at his watch, looking to see Astrid, Heather, Eret and Cami standing in the kitchen wearing their jackets and with their utensils all at the ready. _"So, you guys all ready for this?"_

"What do _you_ think?" Astrid snarked with a grin on her face and an eyebrow raised. Hiccup smiled back, before saying _"right. I'll start taking the orders, then..."_ as he ran up the stairs.

* * *

 **Dining Area - 19:45pm**

"Hi, and welcome to _Windsh_... um... _Ruffnut's Baking Company_..." Dagur gulped awkwardly as he nearly made that mistake, Mala grinning as she heard it while she said "can we get you gentlemen anything this evening?"

"Yeah, sure..." Snotlout said, nodding at Fishlegs as he added _"we're gonna try a, um... a large pizza. Half-pepperoni, half-mushroom..."_

"Great. I'll put it on the list..." Dagur filled in the order and brought it to the lift, sliding it through the small letterbox that sent it down a chute to the kitchen.

* * *

 **Kitchen**

A small bell made a _**DING!**_ sound as the order landed at the bottom of the chute, Cami picking it up as she said _"alright, we got a large pizza, half-pep half-MR for Table 12..."_

 ** _"Got it!"_** Eret called back as he immediately started making it.

* * *

 **Dining Room - 20:11pm**

 _ **DING!**_

 _"Alright, so the little bell is gonna ring when the food shows up, and you open the chute like this..."_ Hiccup explained to Tuffnut as he opened the chute and took out the large pizza, bringing it over to Table 12 and saying _"enjoy your meal..."_ as he put it on the table.

 _ **"Holy shit, that was quick!"**_ Snotlout and Fishlegs spoke in-sync, Hiccup grinning as he looked at the twins, who were both scowling bitterly in response.

* * *

 **21:07pm**

Dagur and Mala were going efficiently from table to table, taking orders and putting them down the chute with little effort. The twins were standing in front of the dumbwaiter, sulking silently as everyone else was buzzing and celebrating.

 _"Hey, uh, Dagur... we got these dirty plates from Table 4 here..."_ Hiccup passed them over to Dagur as he nodded. _"Just take them to the dumbwaiter, will you..."_

" _Pft..._ which one?" Dagur scoffed as he glanced at the twins.

* * *

 **HICCUP:** _So, this place has been open for an hour and 40 minutes, so that's already 20 minutes longer than it was last night. I think that axing the live entertainment and adding the dumbwaiter service has really made things a lot more convenient..._

* * *

 _"Hiccup... Hiccup! Son, over here!"_ Hiccup waited until he had taken the order from Table 5 to see Valka waving to him from Table 7.

"Oh, hi, Mom... what's up?"

 _"Well, I think your service is doing very well tonight..."_ Valka said, only for Hiccup to notice that her table was empty. "Mom, I thought... did no one take your order?"

 _"Oh no, they did... it's just... not gotten to me yet... I'm sure it'll be any moment now..."_

"Right. I'll just go check for you..."

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _Down in the kitchen, Eret, Heather and Cami are going great guns as always, but yet again, the twins at front of house are screwing all of us._

* * *

 **Kitchen - 21:17pm**

 ** _"Hey, Hiccup!"_** Cami shouted to him as he came into the kitchen. Astrid looked up from what she was doing and said _"something wrong?"_

"Uh... I don't _think_ so..." Hiccup was casual and calm, adding "my mom was just wondering when hers was gonna be ready..."

 _"What'd she order?"_ Heather asked.

"Well, she's on Table Sev... _uh..._ hey Astrid, there's food still in the lift here..." Hiccup had frozen next to Eret in front of the dumbwaiter to see what was still there.

 _"What?!"_

"Yeah, there's about four dishes in here that haven't been served yet..." Eret said as he opened the lift to reveal the dishes, confirming Hiccup's words.

 _"Ugh... alright, what table number is that one?"_ she asked, pointing to the tray on the bottom of the lift.

"Uh... oh man... it says Table _7_..." Hiccup held up the number that was attached to the tray, but Astrid had already sulked off with her palm to her face. _"That was **30** minutes ago..."_ she snarled through gritted teeth as she glanced to her left to see Tuffnut waiting in the door.

 _"So... Table 7? Right?"_

 _ **"Yes! It's Table 7!"**_ Astrid snapped. _**"All this food is still in the fucking lift! It's been going up and down all night like your sister's fucking panties did to buy this place! So why don't you do your job and FUCKING SERVE IT ALREADY!**_

As she yelled, Tuffnut had already retreated back into the dining room and his sister had come in instead. Astrid was even more enraged as she went back to the main kitchen area where Cami and Heather were. Ruffnut sighed, saying _"okay, I'll deal with that. Can I te..."_

 _ **"GOOD! Deal with something then!"**_

 _"Can I tell you about the other problem?"_

 ** _"What's the other problem?!"_**

 _"We've got a burnt steak on Table 9..."_

 _ **"How can it be burnt?!"**_ Astrid snapped, with Eret, Heather, Cami and even Hiccup being equally angry at Ruffnut's words. Ruffnut put both her hands up and said _"I'll just go get it..."_

Astrid scoffed as she turned around and went back to cooking, as Ruffnut continued with _"also, Table 11 is missing sausages. Not sure if that's anything to do with this but the point is that they're mi..."_

 _ **"Oh, fuck off, will you?!"**_ Astrid suddenly snapped. _**"Do something useful and get the fuck outta my sight! We'll handle this shit!"**_

Ruffnut sat there scowling for a good five seconds at this remark, before Astrid took another look at her and shouted _**"where's the fucking steak then?! Come on, let's go! MOVE!"**_

As Ruffnut left the kitchen and went into the dining room, Astrid was breathing louder than she had the whole night, aggressively stirring and dicing the different dishes as she said _**"I've never seen such a fucked-up service in my entire fucking life!"**_

She exhaled, seemingly calming down, only for her scowl to return with Ruffnut as she brought in Table 9's steak dish. "Okay, so... this was asked for _well-done..._ and I don't think that it is..."

 _ **"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!"**_ Astrid snapped as Ruffnut laid the dish on the table. _"What do you mean **you** don't think it is? What does the customer think?"_

"Oh, I didn't serve it yet, but I th..."

 _"Fuck me!"_ Heather and Cami both said under their breath, though the sheer synchronisation made it loud enough for everyone to hear. Astrid was fuming as her face turned bright red, and she said _**"rule number one in a fucking restaurant: the fucking customer is always fucking right! Not the cunt owner or her dipshit brother! The customer! Always! So why don't you serve it to them first and wait for their opinion before you start wasting our time and theirs!"**_

Ruffnut shrugged ignorantly, before Astrid grabbed the steak knife off the tray and started cutting into the meat. _"And let me just tell you something else, okay... in terms of being... well- **fucking** -done... look..."_

She held up a small piece that she had cut off. _"We braised it... what is that, Ruffnut?"_

"It's well done...?"

 _"Yeah, it's well-done, so serve the dish and **STOP GIVING ME BULLSHIT!** "_ Astrid's voice broke slightly as she threw the piece back onto the plate, nearly cracking the plate as a piece of salad was catapulted off of it by the impact. Ruffnut pointed to another piece of the steak, saying "well, what about this, Astrid?"

 _ **"That is well done!"**_ Astrid shrieked back, holding up this piece as she said _**"it's well-done! Look! It's well-done, we braised it!"**_

Ruffnut then pointed to the inside of another piece and said "well that looks _pink_ to me..."

 ** _"That's gristle, you fucking idiot!"_** Astrid snapped, showing it to Heather and saying _**"what is that?!"**_

 _"Gristle..."_ Heather said in a deadpan tone without even looking at the plate. Ruffnut slowly picked the plate back up as Astrid said **_"just serve the fucking food, you stupid bitch!"_**

"Alright... I'm going..." Ruffnut snarked as she walked out of the kitchen. _"Oh my Gods..."_ Cami snarled under her breath as they all got back to doing their work. Astrid was in an even worse mood than before, looking where Ruffnut had gone before muttering _"what a fucking bimbo..."_

* * *

 _ **Coming up... the continued criticism from her peers once again goes too far for Ruffnut...**_


	26. Spite

**Dining Area - 21:48pm**

 _"So you two don't actually work here, then?"_ Hiccup heard Valka laughing as he came back into the dining area to see her talking to Dagur and Mala. He grinned as he heard Dagur saying "yeah, I know... turns out Chef Hofferson doesn't trust the owners of this place to do the service, so my sister brought us in... **_ha ha ha!_** "

Hiccup looked at the twins as they both went wide-eyed in offence, before looking back at Hiccup with a scowl as they both stormed off. He sighed, saying "well... that can't be good..."

 _ **DING!**_ The chute next to him rang and he opened it to take out the dish for Table 7, bringing the Seabass over to Valka as he said "alright, Mom... here's your _slightly late_ food..."

 _"Ah, excellent..."_ Valka took the plate from him and began eating straight away. _"Mm... my Gods, this was worth the wait, son... I assume Astrid's responsible?"_

"Well, partially... it's a team effort..." Hiccup said, only for Mala to scoff as she added "well we should all be grateful that Ruffnut isn't working in the kitchen anymore..."

They all laughed at this, Hiccup's being slightly more reluctant as he looked back where the twins had gone.

* * *

 **Owner's Office - 21:55pm**

 ** _"How can they be this selfish?!"_** Ruffnut whined as she went into the office with her brother following her. _**"I basically let them take this whole fucking place off my hands and do whatever the fuck they want, and this is how they repay me? By continuing to publicly humiliate me like some sort of tortured circus animal? GODS! What the fuck happened to talking shit behind people's backs?"**_

Tuffnut opened his mouth to speak, only for Ruffnut to shriek furiously as she grabbed a pair of scissors and prepared to throw them at him. She froze suddenly and her shrieking stopped as she noticed something behind her cowering brother. _"What's that, Tuff?"_

"This?" he asked as he walked over to the retractable projector screen that was hanging up. "It's uh... it's one of those old movie things... _ooh_ , and it's portable, too..."

He looked back at his sister, who had a smug grin stretched across her face. _"Tuff..."_

"Yeah?"

 _"Get up Heather's Youtube channel..."_

* * *

 _ **Coming up... Ruffnut tries to make a scene as she and Heather start to get confrontational...**_


	27. Humiliation

**Dining Area - 22:00pm**

 ** _SCRREEEECCCCHHHHH!_** Everyone tensed in agony as they heard the ear-piercing sound of two microphones being plugged in and pressed. There were assorted groans and curse words as they all looked to the white wall, where Ruffnut was standing on the raised platform as Tuffnut set up the projector behind her.

"Sorry about that, folks..." Ruffnut said through the microphone, clearing her throat before saying _**"well, I'm sure you all know me... my name is Ruffnut Thorston, and I'm the proud owner of Ruffnut's Baking Company..."**_

 _"Great! Nobody cares!"_ Mala called as several audible laughs and chuckles were heard from the customers. Ruffnut sighed, before forcing a smile back onto her face as she said _**"anyway... to celebrate our success tonight, my brother and I would like to present tonight's entertainment..."**_

 _"It's not Gruffnut and the Zipplebacks again, is it?!"_ Hiccup called, prompting everyone in the room to burst into laughter again. The twins were both scowling at him, but a sinister grin came to Ruffnut's face as she said _**"uh... no, actually... see, tonight's entertainment will be someone people might just recognise... Heather..."**_

 _"What?!"_ Dagur, Mala and Hiccup snapped in-sync, nobody noticing Eret walking in from the kitchen and seeing what was happening.

 _ **"Y'see, ladies and gentlemen... I first met Heather about two years ago, when she got a job as the waitress at the first RBC... she and my assistant cook, Camicazi, were fired the same night that Chef Hofferson arrived... a funny coincidence, I know..."**_

 _"You didn't fire them! They quit!"_ Dagur shouted, but Ruffnut ignored him and said **_"but now we've let bygones be bygones and rehired them... because, it turns out before they came crawling back to me, they tried to set up their own little business... funnily enough, in this very building..."_**

As Tuffnut turned down the lights, Ruffnut took her mouth from the microphone and turned to her brother, whispering _"play the video, Tuff..."_

* * *

 _"Hi guys! Heather here! I'd just like to give a huge shout-out to everyone who's donated and all the support that you've given Cami and I."_

* * *

 _"Oh, sis..."_ Dagur groaned in a sad tone as the video kept playing. Hiccup sighed as he kept watching, feeling more and more drawn to doing something.

* * *

 _"Woo-hoo! So... I'll keep updating and, fingers-crossed, Windshear's Palace is gonna be a reality very soon! See you round, guys!"_

* * *

"Aw, look at her... so _happy_ , so _hopeful_..." Tuffnut scoffed in a sarcastic, patronising tone, as Hiccup noticed Eret scoff in disgust and go back into the kitchen while Dagur was boiling with fury at what they were saying about his sister.

Ruffnut grinned smugly, saying _**"yeah... it's just too bad what happened next, huh...?"**_

* * *

 _"This morning, I got a call from the developers saying that some new buyers just showed up with the full amount in cash... um... so, they beat my offer, and... oh Gods, I just... and we've lost the building... ugh... I'm just so... um... I just feel so let down and broken by this, but I... I just wanted to let you guys know, because by the Gods, you deserve to know... and we're gonna refund everything, I swear, but... but um... I just... I was really looking forward to owning that restaurant... but I guess... I guess it's over... it's over... and I am so sorry that I wasted your time..."_

* * *

 _ **"You bitter, selfish little bitch!"**_ Heather's voice snapped from the kitchen door as the lights went back up and everyone looked at her. Astrid, Cami and Eret were all standing behind Heather, with Hiccup and Astrid exchanging a nervous glance at one another as they all remained silent.

Ruffnut scoffed, not concerned in the slightest as she said **_"oh, hey... the cavalry's here... I'm real glad you came up here, Heather... I was just gloating about how we just beat you and how you've started working for us again..."_**

Heather took off her chef's jacket, almost welling up with anger as she said "you two _dickheads_ don't deserve all your money! Or your restaurants! Or _any_ of the people working in them!"

 _"Objection, your Heather..."_ Tuffnut said. _"The defence purports you to be out of said jurisdiction..."_

Heather didn't say anything, though she glared at him with her fists clenched, prompting a much more worried Tuffnut to add _"but we will agree to a short recess..."_

 _ **"Aw... is someone upset?"**_ Ruffnut snarked as she looked at Heather, who was starting to fall apart a bit as everyone looked at her. **_"Are you gonna cry about it? It doesn't feel good to be badmouthed... to be humiliated... does it, Heather?"_**

Ruffnut held the microphone as she walked over to Heather, who remained frozen on the spot as Ruffnut leaned closer to her and said _**"don't feel so big now, do you, Heather? I bet you feel pathetic... Do you?... come on, do you? Well, don't be shy, Heather... we won't judge you that bad if you just flat-out admit how fucking pathetic you are!"**_

"I... I'm... _ugh..._ I'm pa..."

 _ **"You are not pathetic, Heather!"**_ a familiar, nasally voice said as Heather and Ruffnut both went wide-eyed. They all looked at Hiccup, who had managed to take the second microphone from the stage while Ruffnut was talking.

He smiled at Heather, before saying _**"and I know you're not pathetic, because I've been in your shoes..."**_

 _"That must have been tight!"_ Tuffnut snarked with a laugh, but Hiccup ignored him, saying _**"but yeah... I know what it's like to be demeaned... to feel worthless... useless... to feel like the whole world is out to get you and you can't do anything about it but fail... and to think that you don't walk away because you're too afraid to... even when it was tearing me apart from the inside, I didn't walk away from RBC... even when I thought I was gonna end up killing myself, I kept going..."**_

 _"Well, congratulations..."_ Ruffnut tried to interrupt. _"Good for y..."_

 ** _"But the woman I love showed me that this wasn't a weakness..."_** Hiccup looked at Astrid as she smiled lovingly at him. _**"It was my strength... my greatest strength... and it's Heather's too... and Cami's... and even Eret's... well, your cooking's pretty great too, guys..."**_

Everyone except Ruffnut laughed at that last remark, Hiccup grinning confidently as he strolled past her and said **_"so, now that I've helped clarify what's not pathetic, why don't we have a little chat about what is... would anyone else like a turn on the microphone?"_**

 _"Me! Pick me!"_ Cami said excitedly, as Hiccup smugly threw the microphone to her. Cami glared at Tuffnut as she said **_"pathetic is making one of your employees wash your fucking car because you're too cheap to take it to a car wash!"_**

She then passed it to Eret, who said _**"pathetic is trying to criticise a professional chef's food when you yourself can't tell the difference between well-done and burnt!"**_

Hiccup looked proudly at them all. His words had inspired them all to finally tell Ruffnut and her brother what for, just as Astrid's had done for him. Eret then passed it to Astrid, who walked towards Ruffnut as she said **_"pathetic is a lot of things..."_**

 _"Here we go..."_ Ruffnut snarked under her breath.

 ** _"It's making the far more competent workers do mundane tasks to stroke your own ego... it's chasing people who don't like your food out of your restaurant with a fucking knife!"_**

 _"Yeah! Testify, sister!"_ Snotlout and Fishlegs both yelled from Table 12, remembering when that had happened to them last time.

 ** _"It's firing your employee just for asking a question!"_** Astrid continued. **_"It's buying a whole building you don't need and making it look like a brothel just to spite the person who would actually do something good with it! And pathetic, Ruffnut, is adamantly refusing to take even the slightest ounce of criticism, no matter what it is or who it's from..."_**

Astrid then handed the microphone to Heather and winked at her, saying _"I think you know how to finish this point..."_

Heather nodded, clearing her throat as she looked at a fuming Ruffnut with a smug grin.

 _ **"Well... I've got to give a big shout-out to everybody here, Ruff..."**_ she snarked. _**"Because now I realise who the most pathetic person in this entire Archipelago really is... and she's**_ _ **looking right at me!"**_

 _"AAAGGGGHHH!"_ Ruffnut finally snapped, sending a fist directly into Heather's face that sent her tumbling back into the already-empty Table 5 with a thundering **_CRASH!_**

Everyone was wide-eyed and frozen with shock at what had just happened, while Heather groaned as she used one hand to prop herself up. Both her nostrils were leaking blood down her face from the punch, but it didn't bother her as she looked up at a very pissed-off Ruffnut and went almost ghost-white with terror.

 ** _"You know something, Heather... I never fucking liked you!"_** Ruffnut shook the hand she had hit Heather with before she grabbed an empty wine bottle from Table 14. **_"And now I'm gonna do what I should have done two fucking years ago!"_**

* * *

 _ **Coming up... Ruffnut makes an already very public scene even harder to watch...**_


	28. Climax

_**SMASH!**_ many customers screamed as Ruffnut shattered the bottom of the bottle against the counter, making it jagged and sharp as she pointed it at Heather while snarling **_"I'm gonna enjoy this! RRRAAAGGGHHH!"_**

 _"NO!"_ Hiccup was the first to react, catching Ruffnut in a wrist lock to try and force the bottle out of her hand. Ruffnut grunted and cried out as she tried to pry her arm free, but Hiccup tightened his grip in response as they ended up spinning in a circle while they struggled. She eventually forced her hand out of Hiccup's wrist lock and swung the bottle clumsily as he attempted to disarm her again. He caught a hold on her arm, but she put enough force in to thrust the bottle toward his midsection. _**RRRRIIIIP!**_

 _"Ugh..."_ Hiccup gasped wheezily as the bottle sliced diagonally down the right side of his stomach and the blood began rushing down out of the deep cut it had made, stumbling down onto one knee while still holding his end of the bottle. He still kept his grip tight, surprising Ruffnut as he panted and stuttered to say something.

He looked her defiantly in the face as he said _"I... I'm not afraid of you anymore, Ruff! Nobody has to be! **AAAAAGGGH!** "_

Everyone who wasn't still shocked into silence audibly gasped when Hiccup suddenly sent a fist into Ruffnut's face that sent her staggering back, though they both kept one hand on either end of the bottle. Ruffnut wiped her nose with her free hand to look at the blood that had come from the punch, visibly going red in the face as she said _**"you useless fucking dick!"**_

Still keeping one hand on her end of the bottle, Ruffnut used her other hand to grab the collar of Hiccup's shirt, dragging him forwards so his forehead connected hard with her own. The shock of the headbutt caused Hiccup to let go of his end of the bottle and he stumbled back, but the dizziness prevented him from defending himself and made him open to attack.

He groaned in agony as Ruffnut sent a cheap yet forceful punch into the cut on his midsection, causing him to press both hands on it before she kicked his left kneecap so hard that it bent backwards with an audible, sickening _**CRUNCH!**_

 _"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH, FUCK!"_

 _ **"Hiccup!"**_ Astrid and Valka both cried out again as Ruffnut punched Hiccup in the face so that he fell back into an unoccupied table, knocking it onto it's side as he hit the floor hard. _**"HUUUUURRRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"**_

Ruffnut barely had a moment to admire what she'd done to Hiccup as Cami was suddenly latched onto her back like a monkey and shrieking like a warrior as she punched and pulled at her face, while Eret was restraining Tuffnut to make sure he didn't intervene. As the fight carried on, Valka rapidly ran to her son and picked him off of the floor, sitting him up against the table he'd fallen through and trying her best to cover his injuries.

 _ **"Val, here!"**_ Astrid slid onto the floor next to them, taking off her white chef's jacket and passing it to Valka to press hard against the bloody tear on Hiccup's stomach.

 _"Ast... Ugh! Ast... Astrid?"_

 ** _"Yeah, Hiccup! Hiccup, I'm here!"_** She cupped his face tearfully as he struggled to keep his eyes open, drooping his head down as he closed them and more or less passed out. **_"No... no, babe, please! Stay with me here, stay with me! HICCUP!"_**

Meanwhile, Cami was now hanging onto Ruffnut's front and had her legs wrapped round her back, still elbowing the top of Ruffnut's head with one arm and pulling hard on her hair with the other. With her face being pressed against Cami's chest Ruffnut was unable to see where she was going, but eventually bumped into the glass counter and took a few steps back from it.

 ** _"You fucking, scruffy whore! Get off of ME!"_** Ruffnut reached her hands under Cami's armpits, tearing the furious Bog Burglar off of herself and throwing her down hard onto the counter, completely shattering it and leaving Cami lying nearly unconscious in a pile of glass shards.

Dagur and Mala both prepared to fight her next, before Heather stood in front of them to stop them both with her hands up and said _**"NO! This is between me and her!"**_

 ** _"I couldn't agree more!"_** Ruffnut tightened her grip on the bottle as she charged at Heather while shrieking _**"RRAAAGGGHHH!"**_

 ** _"HEE-YAH!"_** Heather grunted as she sent her foot directly into Ruffnut's pelvis, sending the wind straight out of Ruffnut's lungs as the latter fell wheezing to her knees. Heather sniffled as she wiped the last bit of blood leaking out of her nose, saying "that's something _I_ should have done two years ago... so _fuck you_ , Ruffnut Thorston..."

 _ **"RRRAAAGGGHHH!"**_ Heather went wide-eyed as she heard Astrid's blood-curdling war cry, narrowly getting out of the way to allow Astrid to tackle Ruffnut as they both ploughed straight through a wooden table to hit the floor. Ruffnut frantically tried to crawl away from Astrid as the latter took a tight grip of her with one hand and punched her everywhere there was an opening with the other. The struggle was brief yet fierce before Astrid eventually had Ruffnut pinned back-first on the floor, sitting on her stomach and having a tight grip on her neck.

Mala, Dagur and many of the customers already had their phones out to record Astrid's merciless beating of the owner, with only a select few making the occasional wince whenever a punch landed.

 ** _"FUCKING-WEASEL-BITCH-FUCKING-FUCK-_** ** _USING-SLUT-FUCKER-SHIT-BRAINED-CUNTSICKLE!"_** Astrid was using her punches to punctuate her explicit, passionate words, while tears streamed down her deep scarlet face and her hair got messier and more unkempt each time she buried her progressively bloodier fists in Ruffnut's progressively bloodier face.

 _"Chef... Chef H... ugh... Astrid! Astrid, that's enough!"_ Heather tried to drag Astrid away from the nearly-unconscious, bloody mess that Ruffnut now was, but Astrid was being stubborn as she refused to let go.

Eventually, Astrid ceased her beating of Ruffnut, still heaving with pure rage as she gripped Ruffnut's collar and dragged her face up. **_"If you EVER come near Hiccup again, I'll tear your fucking head off! RRRAAAGGGHHH!"_**

Ruffnut grunted as Astrid's forehead connected hard with her own, the latter finally letting go of her as she hit the floor unconscious. Astrid clutched her aching, bloodied hands as Heather gently led her away from Ruffnut. _"It's okay... it's okay... we don't need to stoop to her level..."_

 ** _"Ugh... fuck! Where is that little cunt?!"_** Cami finally pulled herself out of the pile of glass that was once the counter, with several little cuts scattered across her arms and face because of it. She sighed in slight disappointment as she saw Ruffnut already taken care of, only for all their eyes to widen as Mala said _"Astrid... Hiccup's not looking great..."_

 ** _"Oh my Gods! Hiccup!"_** Astrid slid down on her knees to where Hiccup was still lying, Valka helping her to keep him propped him upright against the wall. The blood had already soaked and permanently stained the white jacket, so they use used the Table 7 cloth to put pressure on his slashed, bleeding midsection. As he slowly opened his eyes back up, Hiccup groaned and bit his lip as he finally felt the damage Ruffnut had done to him.

 _ **"Hiccup... Hiccup! Babe, are you okay?!"**_

 _"Well... I just got my leg broken, stabbed in the stomach, headbutted... ooh, and I just got punched too... other than that, I'm great..."_ Hiccup snarked weakly, breathing heavily as he still felt his injuries. Though he was in pain, he smiled at Astrid warmly, saying _"but I'm feeling much better with you here..."_

 _ **"Aww..."**_ everyone else, including Tuffnut, said in-sync as Astrid and Hiccup both looked back at them with an eyebrow raised. "Really, you guys? Come on..."

 _"Well... if I had any doubts about you being the man for me, Hiccup Haddock, you've officially just thrown them out the window!"_ Astrid said giddily as she grabbed his collar and pulled him into a kiss, though he winced and said **_"ooh! Ow, not there yet!"_** as her kneecap accidentally pressed into his stomach, prompting Astrid to quickly get off of him.

 ** _"Oh, my Gods! I'm so sorry! Ugh... fuck me... sorry, babe..."_**

 _"It's fine... it's fine..."_ Hiccup wheezed out as they all started laughing. _"So... is somebody gonna call me a doctor or am I gonna have to do it myself? Ah ha ha..."_

* * *

 _ **Coming up... Chef Hofferson makes the Thorstons an offer they can't refuse...**_


	29. Recommendation

_**After last night's fiasco, Chef Hofferson has come to pick up Hiccup from the hospital on the way to the restaurant...**_

* * *

 **Hospital - 11:37am**

 _"Alright, Toothless... here we are..."_ Astrid said as she parked the car in front of the hospital, picking the cat out of the shotgun seat and carrying him out of the car as the camera man followed them. As Astrid walked towards the door, she suddenly froze in her tracks, sighing as she looked back at the camera man and said _"uh... you just wait here, okay... this is personal..."_

* * *

 **11:40am**

 _"Well, good morning, milady..."_ Hiccup groaned in a sarcastic tone as Astrid came into the room, holding Toothless in her arms. After Astrid greeted him with a kiss on the forehead, she sat on the chair next to the bed and let Toothless climb out of her hands and into Hiccup's, stroking her fiance's hair affectionately as he hugged the cat tightly.

 _"Aw... hey, bud... did I give you a little scare again?"_

"Uh-huh... you sure did..." Astrid sighed, a hint of both worry and relief in her tone as she looked at the state Hiccup was in. His forehead was still bruised from where Ruffnut had headbutted him and his cheek had a cut from where he had hit the floor. His midsection was bandaged from the stab wound, with the earlier, much bloodier bandages still being visible from the disposal facility on the other side of the bed. And his left leg was propped up from the bed in a fibreglass orthopaedic cast.

She held Hiccup's free hand tightly and they looked at each other. She forced a smile onto her face and wiped her right eye before a tear could come down, saying "so... how's the leg?"

 _"Well apparently, Ruff wasn't really aiming to break it, so it's only minor..."_ he said back. _"I'm gonna be spending the next few weeks with a crutch... but since I was expecting to wake up with a metal prosthetic, I'd say I got off pretty good, don't you?"_

"Hm... and your stomach?"

 _"Well, you might need to ease up on the affectionate punching there for a while..."_ they both laughed weakly as Hiccup said this. He was the first to stop laughing, sighing as he said _"ugh... Astrid, I'm sorry, I... look, I know I shouldn't have tried to stop her... I got you worried, and Mom, and..."_

"Hey..." Astrid was slightly back to her usual confident self as she said "you did a _good_ thing helping Heather, Hiccup... _everybody_ thinks so... Hell, have you _seen_ what they've been saying about you on the net after last night got leaked?!"

 _"Really?"_ Hiccup asked as Astrid quickly went into her pocket and pulled out her phone, allowing him to see what had been written about him on social media.

* * *

 ** _SpiteloutJorgenson/spiteloutsmorningofspite:_** _Just saw Snotlout's recording. What a disgrace that scene was! I doubt those Thorstons will ever get a gig in this business ever again. Hope that Hiccup lad's alright after what he did. A true inspiration._

 _ **supersandman86:**_ _Wow the twins really are stupid and pathetic. I'm glad Hiccup is standing up for his friends and loved ones, shows how strong he is despite his size._

 _ **MalaAndDagur/BerserkerLovers:**_ _We'd just like to let everyone know that Heather is alright after Ruffnut Thorston's breakdown last night. She has resigned from RBC and we will be pursuing legal action. BTW, we'd like to give our thoughts to Hiccup Haddock who is currently in recovery for his broken leg and stab wound. Thanks for sticking up for our little sister. X_

 _ **CajunBear73:** This is better than that riot on the Maury Show, where that couch was tossed at the host... Pretty brutal fight, that was, and Hiccup got the worst of it, besides Astrid's pummeling of Ruff..._

 _ **CamicaziAKAZeGreatCamicazi:**_ _Fully recovering from glass injuries, but OMG! If I hadn't been tossed into that counter I'd have kicked that crazy bitch's ass to kingdom come! Hope Hiccup's doing okay. You're my hero!_

* * *

 _"Aw... man, I... I'm touched..."_ Hiccup was sniffling to make sure he didn't cry as he hugged Astrid and Toothless tightly. Astrid laughed warmly, saying "and also, just this once... I'm gonna let you say that _you told me so_... come on... I'm ready..."

 _"Eh... maybe later..."_ Hiccup said as he separated from her, before he added _"alright... let's pay you-know-who a visit, shall we?"_

* * *

 **RBC Dining Area - 12:47pm**

 ** _"Aw... I didn't know you guys had a cat... I love cats..."_** Tuffnut said, reaching a hand forwards to pet Toothless only to yank it back as the cat hissed at him. The twins both chuckled nervously as they sat on one end of the table with Hiccup and Astrid scowling at them from the other end, Hiccup holding Toothless in his arms while Astrid had hers crossed.

 _"So... I assume you've read Mala and Dagur's social media announcement..."_ she scoffed, as Ruffnut gulped.

"Um... y... yeah... yeah, but it's a misunderstanding, right? Nothing that serious..."

 _"Oh, sure... all you did was try to rearrange Heather's face with a broken bottle..."_ Hiccup snarked. " _And you put Cami through a glass table, and what else? Oh, yeah, you tried to tear my stomach open and then crippled me, but other than that... yeah, no harm done..."_

"So... what's your suggested course of action?" Tuffnut asked as he and sister both began to hyperventilate. Astrid and Hiccup looked at each other with a grin, before Astrid sighed and said _"well... I'm afraid there's only one course of action that I can recommend to you..."_


	30. The End

**Six Months after RBC 2...**

* * *

 ** _Youtube - Heather AKA Windshear's Palace Heather - "LIVESTREAM: The Grand Opening!"_**

 _"Hi guys! Heather here! I'm here with my Head Chef, Eret, my brother Dagur and sister-in-law Mala... and filming this right now is the love of my life and my own fiancée, Camicazi... say hi, Cami!"_

 ** _"Hi, Cami!"_** Cami answered back as she kept holding the camera.

Heather and the others laughed, before she continued with _"so... here we are, guys... the grand opening... a whole year in the making! I'd like to thank everyone here for standing by me all this time... same goes for Astrid Hofferson, Hiccup Haddock, everyone who donated on Indiegogo... and obviously I gotta thank Ruffnut and Tuffnut Thorston for selling me their building, ha ha!"_

 _ **"You deserve this, sweetheart!"** _Cami shouted as everyone nodded and muttered in agreement. Eret passed Heather a pair of scissors and led her over to the red ribbon that was wrapped over the door to the building. Heather sighed heavily, struggling to process the fact that her dream was seconds away from being a reality.

 _"Well, without further ado... as the owner... I declare Windshear's Palace... open!"_

* * *

 **The Apartment**

 ** _"BLERGH! ACH! URGH! BLEK!"_**

 _"Ugh... Gods..."_ Hiccup groaned as he kept standing outside the bathroom while Astrid vomited violently. _"Astrid... honey, you okay in there?"_

 _ **"I'm fucking fine, Hiccup!** __Uh-oh..._ _**BLERGH!"**_

 _"Uh-huh... if you say so, milady..."_ Hiccup snarked, still stroking Toothless to try and distract himself from what he was hearing. Astrid came out about ten minutes later, using a towel to clean her lips as she lay next to Hiccup groaning on the bed.

 _"So... what was all that about?"_ he asked, Astrid sighing as she said "just food poisoning... I guess..."

 _"You want me to pour you some whisky? That usually fixes this for you..."_

"Gods, no... the _last_ thing I need when I feel this shitty is alcohol..." Astrid groaned as she lay her head back.

* * *

 **Windshear's Palace - One Week Later**

"Uh... Heather... there's trouble here..." Cami said as she looked out the window, taking Heather's attention away from the pizza she was making.

 _"Wait, what?!"_ Heather poked her head out the window, going wide-eyed as she saw the twins sitting about a hundred yards away from the restaurant, waving awkwardly at her. _"Oh my Gods...what the fuck do you guys want?!"_

 ** _"That food looks really nice, Heather!"_** Ruffnut shouted through the megaphone she was holding. **_"Can we have a sample?"_**

 _"What? No!"_ Heather shouted back. She was pissed off to see Ruffnut and Tuffnut there, but there was at least a _hint_ of a laugh in her tone.

 ** _"Uh... okay..."_** Ruffnut responded. She stood there still, before Tuffnut took the megaphone off his sister and said **_"so... are you guys thinking of dropping that restraining order yet?"_**

 _"NO!"_ Heather snapped again, now completely serious and pissed as she shut the window so she couldn't hear them anymore.

* * *

 ** _Spitelout's Morning Of Spite - BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)_**

 ** _"Good morning, fellow spiteful fellows. Welcome to the Thursday Breakfast edition of Spitelout's Morning Of Spite. It's a tremendous honour to be joined once again by the best chef in the Archipelago, and the host of Kitchen Flightmares... Astrid Hofferson!"_**

 _"It's great to be here again..."_ Astrid said as she came into the studio and sat on the couch to much applause from the audience.

 ** _"And joining her on the guest seat this morning... some of you may remember him from Season 1 of Flightmares as the son of the owner of Stoick's Place, but he'll be going down in history for how he stood up to the now-dreaded Thorston twins... ladies and gentlemen, Miss Hofferson's fiance, Hiccup Haddock!"_**

The applause was just as loud, if not louder than Astrid's was as Hiccup shyly and awkwardly made his way over to the couch. "Uh... hi, hello... hey, it's uh... it's nice to be here..." he said as he sat next to Astrid, who held his hand tightly as he smiled at her.

 ** _"Y'know, you look quite different with a beard, Hiccup..."_** Spitelout said as many of the women in the audience cried out and Astrid laughed as she held Hiccup's hand tighter. Hiccup blushed slightly, saying "yeah, I guess so... y'know, I... I just thought I'd try something new..."

 ** _"Oh aye... excellent. So anyway, how's the leg been, lad?"_** Spitelout snarked, before showing a clip of the footage. Hiccup felt Astrid's grip on his hand tighten as the footage showed his leg being broken, Hiccup himself cringing a bit since he'd never seen this footage for himself before. When the clip finished, he said "well, I can walk, so I'm fine... and obviously, without the twins running that place anymore, I feel I'm in a much better place emotionally too... Astrid being the main reason..."

 ** _"Aww..."_** Spitelout and the audience members all said in-sync as Astrid pecked Hiccup lightly on the cheek. Spitelout then continued with **_"so, Astrid... I suppose, with that episode being the other most watched programme you've ever done... you and Hiccup are gonna be busy on Flightmares together for the next few weeks, eh?"_**

 _"Well, not exactly..."_

 ** _"What?"_** Hiccup and Spitelout said together as a few gasps were heard in the audience. Hiccup looked at her in concern and curiosity, saying "Astrid...?"

 _"Well... I was saving this announcement for later, but I think it's time since you're here, babe..."_

"Me?... What, wh... what for? Astrid, what is it?"

 _"Well... I talked to my agent the other day, and for the next year or so, I'm uh... I'm gonna be taking a break from my shows..."_

 ** _"Oh... and why's that, then?"_** Spitelout asked, Hiccup becoming even more curious as he said "yeah, Astrid... _why?_ "

 _"Well... Hiccup, um... do... ugh... do you remember that dream you told me about?"_

* * *

 **THE END**


End file.
